I need help with compounded issues constantly fought about
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am in a relationship with a younger woman, im 8 years older than her. I had an addiction to porn and it would cause serious fights, and I am seeking help for the addiction, but I want her to trust me again, I know i am untrustworthy, bu I dont know how to regain her trust. We are with each other all the time, we never really go out an do anything since our car died and it takes its toll on me and im sure her by us just staying inside. I love movies and tv, but she doesnt and i have compromised on this issue, but its almost like she is trying to control me, not just the movies, but in other ways, its to the point where i cant talk to her cause i didnt say something in a proper way or i am complaining at the wrong time (usually right after she is done complaining about me). I really love this woman, she does have some psychological problems in which she sees a therapist and is medicated, but recently she has stopped going to therapy and taking her meds (not her choice) and I dont know if that is a bigger problem. I work and she stays at home, but complains that she has to do to much (mainly just keep the studio apartment clean). I want us both to be happy in this relationship, but its really up and down im happy, shes not and vice verca. Ive been geting depressed lately because she has gotten meaner, yelling more (remnants of her fathers treating of her and her mother), and the problems compound...I want us both to get couples therapy an d I want to save our relationship, can it be done?
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
I think it's wonderful that you are seeking help regarding your addiction. No matter what happens with your girlfriend you will never regret conquering that battle. I would suggest reading a wonderful book that my husband studied in a men's group is a great personal resource for your and your girlfriend called "Everyman's Battle" by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. They also have a website to help you: http://emb.newlife.com/
However I agree with George that couples counselling is needed. There appears to be more issues at hand here than your addiction.
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