My G/F gets so hurt that I cant be passionate 24/7
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am having an extremely difficult problem. I have been dating my girlfriend for over 7 months and I Love Her dearly...After 4 months she was forced to move in with me b/c she lost her job. Now its a tight squeeze since I only have a studio however we make it work. As much as I do miss some privacy I would rather have her here than her have to move back home 300 miles away. So on to my problem. She and I are very affectionate and enjoy a great physical relationship. I pay lots of attention to her and always give her plenty of hugs and kisses daily. However she wants more kissing than I do and she gets all upset when I am not in the mood to reciprocate. What I mean exactly is she wants intimate passionate kissing all the time and I am not always in the mood for it. She always wants to make out and snuggle and when I am not in the mood she gets upset and makes comments like "its not like it used to be and I miss it" This is NOT after sex. After sex I do all those things..She will start to cry sometimes. I dont know what to tell her. I love giving her bunches of regular kisses all over her cheeks, neck and lips, and hug her but the making out is not always there for me ! She will initiate it and if I dont want to I get grief.
I know how things cool down after awhile and you dont jump each others bones every 5 min but I still show her a TON of affection. However its not enough. I curl up every night with her when we sleep etc etc ..What do I do ? I am sick of her making me feel bad for not wanting to suck face everyday and curl up with her when I am not in the mood to do it..I give her plenty and I am about to go nuts...
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
It sounds like she may have insecurity issues since you have stated that you are showing lots of affection. I personally have a slightly higher sex drive than my husband and even though he shows me non-sexual affection daily there is a real need to feel desired sexually. If we don't feel our men have the hots for us, us girls tend to feel that our relationships are in trouble. I agree with George that a real heart to heart and gentle talk is important to balancing and resolving your issue. She will need to increase her self-confidence and learn to believe that she is desirable and beautiful in your eyes no matter what type of affection is shown and your part will be to listen and understand her fears and reinforce that belief as much as possible in non-sexual ways until she sees it herself. Do NOT make light of her fears. Women need to feel listened to and understood - even if those fears have no basis. From a girls point of view, I suggest long, sweet looks directly into her eyes while you hold her and tell her how beautiful she is and while she dresses, watch her and comment on how hot she looks. It doesn't have to lead any where...it just has to help her believe she's desirable to you. Make it believable!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer