Is my girlfriend cheating on me?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
Where do I begin? Well, I've know this girl for 10 years now. When we first met, we became really close friends. We both felt something between us, but we never really acted on it. We fooled around quite a few times is the past, but nothing ever came of it. We both went our seperate ways after awhile and didnt really speak to each other much. I was in a realationship and so was she. During that time she ended up having a child with the guy she was with. They we're together for a couple of years, and their relationship didnt work out, and neither did mine. We began talking again 2 years ago, and this time we acted on it. Before we begain seeing each other I made it clear to her that if there was any chance of her and her x getting back together, that I would back away. She made it perfectly clear to me that it was over between them and nothing was goin on. As we started our relationship, I notice that her x (the one she has the kid by) kept calling her all the time. And I'm talking all the time. Always asking what she's doing, who's she with, where is she. It was obvious that he still wasnt over her. I felt that I really couldnt say much because I didnt want things to get out of hand due to the kid. Still today this is going on. So as time went on I noticed that sometimes she wouldnt return my calls a soon as expected. And sometimes wouldnt call back at all. Sometimes even a few days would go by. But, to her everything was fine and nothing was wrong. Things just wouldnt add up with her. It seemed to me like she was lying, but I could never actually catch her in a lie. Eventually, I started to feel like everything was going well, and I actually felt loved. She told me she loved me and that she was in love with me. Things would be going great, and then all of a sudden, she became distant, and again not returning my calls right away. I began to wonder again. Then things got better and I was back where I wanted to be, and once again it began again. So, after a year into our relationship, she came out and told me that she had slept with her x one night, and that it was a total mistake. She cryed and cryed and apologized and that it would never happen again. So, I gave in a few days later and decided to give it a second chance. Things were going good for 4 or 5 months and once again, she became distant with me. She broke it off with me, and said she needed some time to clear her head of things and it was nothing to do with her x. She asked me if we could maybe try again someday. And I said yes of course. So, after a few months went by, we started talking again. After a month or so went by, I found out that she had given it another chance with her x. This really p'd me off cause she had told me in the past that it was over. She told me she gave it one more chance for her kid's sake. This time it felt different to me beacause now I feel I have to keep my gaurd up. I'm not as open with her has I was. We dont tell each other that we love one another like we did in the past. We do say it, but not like we did. I know, this sound so high schoolish. I keep thinking that there is something going on now between them. She tell's me there's not, but I cant help it now. I second guess her now, and I just dont trust her like I did. Anyhow, here recently she's been distant again and I dont know what to do. Im sick of this crap. I love this girl, but I cant take much more of this. I've given 100% in the past to this girl and I'm not getting 100% in return. I know I keep giving this another chance. I just keep thing that maybe it'll work this time. Well, I pretty sure I know the answer to all this, but I guess I just need to hear it from someone else too. Tell me what to do.lol. Thank you for your time.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
What would you do?
Well I'm in a situation close to yours. Ive been with this girl for 2 years she has a kid . I love the kid!!! the 1st half of our relationship was good for me but I was being a jerk to her. I had girls all over me all the time. No cheating but it must have been bad for her. She was so in love with me I was so happy. I wanted to take a break. This really messed things up.We got back together but things were never the same. Then She started talking to this guy she dated before me. We broke up for 2 months. We got back together. Then she started having feelings for him again. We broke up again. We got back together this time for 6 months. This guy calls her constantly she lies about it and she get mean and nasty. She is Jealous all the time and rarely sweet. I initiate almost all the love in the relationship. I'm in a bad place and I'm depressed.
SO my advice to you is this. If you love her you will stay. If you love your self you will go.
Try being distant to her.
What would you tell a friend in your situation to do?
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer