My flirty guy...
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. I know he's the "one", and we've even had lengthy discussions regarding marriage lately. Anyways, although I trust him with all my heart, I've come across something that gave me a real sting...
His ex- girlfriend, whom I've told him that I've had issues with, sends him "private" messages on facebook. now, the only reason i know this is because I was taking care of him a few nights ago because he was pretty drunk from going out and celebrating his birthday. his laptop was open and a few programs were running, so once I tucked him in I thought I'd kill some time by playing an online sudoku. But anyways.. this private message was on his screen from her. He knows that it bothers me when the two of them talk.
This might sound a little naive, but I'm not at all worried about him cheating. The part that bothers me is that these messages are so "private" and flirty. I could see there were other messages sent to him from her, but I didn't want to read them. I was upset enough.
So here lies my dilemma. I want to ask him about it, but then he's going to think that I was snooping around his folders. Even if I told him the truth, that is, it already being up on his screen, I still shouldnt have read it. I know I would be upset if I felt my privacy was violated. But I would NEVER flirt like this behind his back... In fact, I tell him when someone is being flirty with me, just so that we can both laugh it off.
this is killing me inside because we NEVER hold anything back from each other. We have both worked so hard to be as strong and amazing as we are today.
To be totally honest, I think the problem mostly lies in my own insecurities. I'm a pretty girl with an outstanding education, however when I think of another girl touching him it just makes me cringe. Additionally, she advised him NOT to date me in the first place, so my opinion of her is nothing more than biased.
Anyways.. sorry this question is a novel. Some advice would really be nice. Thank you for your time.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Same jealousy problem
Hi there! I totally agree, you should tell him, cos if you don`t you`ll only go crazy thinking about it.
The ex is always a touchy topic.
I can relate to your story. I also feel my own insecurity leads to jealousy.
My boyfriend talked a lot about his ex in the beginning of our relationship, which made me sick. He even kept her cell phone number for a long time. Another thing that has caused a lot of jealousy is the fact that he has mostly female friends. Especially if they`re pretty and have big boobs. I know this sounds silly, but It`s probably myself and myself only that can work this out. I am also an attractive girl, but my body and self image is not what it should be.
I wish you good luck!
Think many girls struggle with the same issues.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer