WHEN IS IT OKAY FOR A MAN TO GET A MAIL ORDER BRIDE?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Why is it that any man that gets a mail order bride is automatically judged as a loser? I understand that it is wrong to abuse a woman and to mistreat her, but what about the men who put women on a pedastal and treat her right.
There are men who need mail order brides because there is a shortage of available women in America. Think about how many single men that are out there that are good people and have quality personalities that have trouble finding women because they may not meet the standards that women in America hold.
The reason why I am posting this here is because it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that I get honest answers. I don't mean to cause trouble here, I really do need help and I don't have any place to go. I need your honest opinion regarding mail order brides and also your opinion as to whether or not I should get one.
I have come up with a list of reasons why I am entitled to and deserve a mail order bride without being judges as a loser.
1. I just can not get a girl no matter how hard I try. I have been going out to bars and clubs at least 4 times a week for about 10 years hoping to hook up with someone and I have not been able to get anything, no one night stands, anything. I just can not attract girls and I have used up aevery trick, every pick up line, and every tactic available and nothing works.
2. A woman told me I am ugly. I went into a bar in Beverly Hills and when I said "hello" to her, she told me "I didn't pay $4,000 for these breast implants to talk to ugly people like you."
3. I am a 29 year old virgin
4. I have never kissed a girl before.
5. I am way too shy to approach women. I am afraid of women. The are way too intimidating. I want women to approach men instead of men approaching women.
6. I am afraid of rejection. I am too shy to approach women. I want women to come up to me. I want to get a girlfriend without risking rejection.
7. Every single women in America refuses to go on a date with me.
8. Every single woman on this planet thinks I am ugly.
9. Women only date men that look like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. I'm too ugly to get a date. Every single woman on this planet wants to have sex with a perfect looking man. Looks are the only thing a woman cares about and becuase I am ugly, I feel hopeless.
10. When I go out to the bars and nightclubs, women ignore me.
11. I can't meet women in church because 80% of the women are in relationships and the toher 20% are not in the singles market.
12. When it comes to hunting for girls there is too much competition out there. There are not enough women to go around to every guy that wants one.
13. There are too many lesbians in this world. I go out to any nightclub and I see girls making out with each other. I watch the Tyra Banks show and there is a story on women who are trendsexual, meaning straight women who act gay, or the "gay for a day" types. Tyra Banks says it is beccoming more common for women to try and have at least one lesbian experience in a lifetime. If this is true, then there will never be a woman for me since there are no straight women available.
14. I am the only virgin on this planet. Every single person is getting sex on a regular basis except for me. It is not fair that I can't get any sex.
15. I have suffered more rejections than any person on this planet. I feel like I am the only person who has ever been rejected.
16. I HAVE READ BOOKS ON PICKING UP AND SEDUCING WOMEN AND THEY HAVE NOT WORKED. I have been reading Maxim, FHM, and GQ for the past 7 years and it hasn't helped. The following books I have read: "How to Talk to a Woman" "Tips on Seducing Girls" "How to Succeed With Women" "Getting Girls Out of Their Pants and Into Your Bed" and about 50 others and none of them have worked. I feel helpless and hopeless now.
17. WOMEN HAVE AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE OVER MEN!!!! It is just not fair that women have it easy and men have it hard. I can not think of one thing difficult about being a woman.
It's not fair that:
Women never get rejected
Women never get their hearts broken
Women can choose their sex partners and men are lucky just to get some sex
Women can use their sexuality to attract men but most men can't for women
There is a man for EVERY woman and not enough women for every man
A man puts an ad on Craigslist and gets 2 responses but a woman gets 100 responses
Only men that look like Johnny Depp can get a girlfriend
Only super-hunky guys that are rated 9 or 10 can attract women
Women never have to hit on men
Women can get a boyfriend faster than a man can get a girlfriend a woman.
18. EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN AMERICA WOULD RATHER BE A LESBIAN THAN TO DATE ME. I think that with my ugly face, women would choose the lesbian lifestyle than to go on a date with me.
19. I become depressed whenever I go out in public and I see couples holding hands and I never have anyone to hold hands with.
20. There are too many people that are better looking than me. I hate the fact that I can't be a perfect 10 stud.
21. Every single woman on this planet wants to have me as a boyfriend. However, women can not see that I am the perfect boyfriend. I think the reason why women can't appreciate what I have to offer is becauce my face is the ugliest face on this planet. I would be the perfect boyfriend for any woman. Here are the reasons why every woman on this planet wants to have me as a boyfriend:
-I would serve breakfast in bed every morning.
-I would give foot rubs before going to bed.
-I would cook whatever a woman wanted for dinner.
-When I go out shopping I would buy a girl whatever she wants.
-I would grow a rose garden so I will always have a rose to give.
-I would offer a box of chocolates every time a woman wanted chocolate. I would make sure the box of chocolates was always full.
-I would write at least one love poem for a woman every day.
22. Women are too intimidating to approach. It seems like women want to break men's hearts and make them feel bad when men approach them.
23. I want to be treated the way men are treated. A man looks at a pretty girl and all he can think about is how good it would feel to have sex with her. That is how I want women to look at me. I want every woman to look at me and think only about sex. When women look at Johnny Depp, that is what they think. It is not fair that I can not get women to fall to my feet.
24. I am sick and tired of meeting women who want to have "alone time" or "emotionally unavailable" What is THAT supposed to mean? Why can't women be more like men and just grab someone? It's irritating.
25. I am sick of the games that women play in the dating process. Here in Los Angeles, nothing angers me more than a women who dates two or three men at the same time because she doesn't know which one she likes best. I wish I didn't have to date women. Why can't I just jump into a relationship with someone? That is the beauty of a mail order bride. The relationship begins immediately.
26. There just aren't any women in Los Angeles that are available. At least to me, that is.
27. Women in Los Angeles have such high standards and because of my ugly face, it is impossible for me to seet them.
28. I have worked hard in my life and I deserve a girlfriend. I don't ask for much out of a woman but here are the things that I feel that women owe me:
-I want a woman to hold hands with me wherever I go.
-I want a woman on my arm when I go out in public.
-I want a woman to hold me and cuddle with me when I fall asleep.
-I want a woman to kiss me.
-I want a woman to take away my lonliness. Getting a mail order bride is a guarantee that I will never be lonely of get rejected. Also being in a relationship will take away all my stress and problems. When people are in relationships, there is no stress or lonliness.
Now that is not much to ask. Notice that SEX is not what I am looking for. Those five reasons are the only reasons why I need a girlfriend. This is fair compensation for all the sex that I was deprived of and the pain from all the rejection I have experienced.
29. I deserve sympathy for the pain and suffering that I go through as I am trying to get married. The fact that nobody in society is willing to sympathize with me leaves me depressed and suicidal. I do not deserve that crule and inhumane treatment in life. A nice man like me deserves a girl. I am upset and depressed because no one realizes that I have a problem and I need help getting girls.
30. I feel like I am invisible to women. I feel like I am completely useless when it comes to offering women what they are looking for.
31. I want to get revenge on all the women that rejected me. I am extremely bitter about being rejected and I hold a personal grudge against every single woman that has ever said "no" to me. With a mail order bride I can laugh at all their faces.
32. It is just easier this way. I am afraid of the rejection and afraid of the heartbreak and afrais of the pain and suffering that awaits me every time a girl says no to me. I can't go through this, it hurts to get rejected. If I go to Cambodia or Thailand, I can purchase a woman for only $800. That is all it would cost to make all my pain and suffering go away. No more thoughts of suicide. $800 is easy to come up with and 1000 times easier than risk getting turned down for a date.
33. I must get married as quickly as possible. I know that being in a relationship will get ridof all my stress. When you are in a relationship, no more problems. No more having to be jealous of comparing yourself to others. Getting married will eliminate all the lonliness and pain caused by all the rejection that women have given me.
34. The last reason is simple. I earned it. I work hard in my life and I deserve a woman. I feel that I should be rewarded for my hard work and strong faith and I feel I am being shortchanged in life and not getting what I feel belongs to me.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Love is sharing
Okay you have never been in a relationship so you do NOT understand certain aspects of it. Stress and problems do not go away when you are in a relationship. Instead you get different problems such as jealousy. I agree with George (above) maybe your standards are too high. As you have mentioned numerous times you think you are unattractive so maybe you need to look for other girls that are unattractive as well. You say you deserve a good woman, well they deserve a good man. Beautiful women can be cruel so stay away from them, because any relationship you would have with them is fake. Now on to the Mail Order Bride issue. My advice is not too. When you buy them do they sign a contract to love you? That is essentially buying a whore. You want someone who will love you without paying money for love.You need to move or go to smaller bars and hit on the very quiet girls who maybe are not the most attractive but they have probably been rejected as well. You will make their day. Girls love romance so flowers on the first date are a very good idea. As long as you have good hygiene and not some weird hairstyle and not fat then you have a good shot at this no matter how ugly your face is. Your emotions and personality might be what is keeping girls away from you as well. You are so angry from all your rejections. You need to clear your mind from all previous rejections and do NOT try to be a sex object. Be the boy next door. A man who will treat the woman he is with like the princess she is. Do not come on too desperate and make the girl want you for your personality. A lot of your "facts" in you post are actually your opinions based on no experience in dating. I am a woman and I have dated many men. I may not be the most attractive but I know my worth and am looking for personality in my men not necessarily looks. You also must-and this may sound cheesy- learn to love yourself and be okay with your looks and life. You cannot make getting a woman the most important thing in your life. If you take up a new hobby such as learning a new language you will be proud of your accomplishments and not so desperate. Love is sharing TWO lives. You need be satisfied and have your fulfillment so in case you never find the girl of your dreams or you die tomorrow that you were at least happy. Please follow my advice. I know what I am talking about. if you have any follow up questions leave them for me in a post and I will get back to you.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer