Is this relationship progressing...or am I being naive?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
We've known each other all of our lives. (We even "went together" in 6th grade.) We both married (other people) and had children. Our sons are the same age and play together often. We are now in our mid-30's and both of us are divorced (his more recent, only one year ago). While we have remained friends through the same social-circle over the years, we recently reconnected. He began calling me regularly (several times a week) about 2 months ago. He is gone with his work through the week and has his kids every other weekend. Therefore, we only see each other every other weekend. (We live in the same small town and I was aware of his schedule prior to dating him.) About 6 weeks ago, we went on our first date and we had a wonderful time. We have been on 3 dates (in the last 2 months) all of them great. Right or wrong...we became physically intimate on our third date. We continue to talk 2-3 times a week and I'm assuming that we will be going on date #4 his next weekend off. We have not mentioned our "dating" to our sons (who are very good friends). After the first date, he did go through a time where he did not call me for 5 days. I did not call him. He finally called and said that "he had a lot on his mind lately". To my knowledge, I am the first person that he has dated since his divorce (and probably in the past 15 years). I am trying not to be insecure about our "lack of time" together. I really feel that we have a very good friendship to build upon. We already knew each other pretty well from living in a small town. I'm assuming that because of our/his work/kids situations that we are progressing normally but at times I do feel insecure. He has not verbalized any "feelings" to me although, I do feel that he truly does "care" for me. Should I just sit back and relax and see where this road takes us??? Like I said, I do not act "clingy" toward him but I can't help but have my insecurities because I know that I will very soon end up falling head-over-heels for this man. What do you think...is he acting like a truly interested man who is just taking things slow or am I being naive?
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Hi, this is very similar to what i am going through! The same past, same amount of dates, progress etc.I think men need to "process" their feelings which is why they are a bit slower! We decide our feelings quite quickly and then want to build on these as fast as possible, men need more time.Don't assume you will be having the next date, let him do the asking, all you can do is make it clear you might be available to see him! or casually ask what he is up to and if he wants to do something together. they like to think they are making the decisions but sometimes need a tiny push!!I'm also waiting for the next date and have the same high hopes that you do! so I sent nice chatty email and had slipped in that i''d like to see him soon... so now we will have to be patient and wait I think!!!good luck!
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