We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I was in a relationship with a young man for about a year. We basically broke up because we did not communicate the problems we had with each other (we are still young adults). However things started getting bad after our initial break-up, because he would come back and tell me he wanted to work things out, then he would get scared and change his mind. He did this a total of 5 times, this was the hard part for me because my emotions were going back and forth, thinking he wanted to work things out. However, we broke up almost a year ago and he still calls me to this day just to see how I am doing about once a week. I am no longer as sad as I used to be, but I don't know if talking to him is healthy, because I am paranoid that he might be trying to just keep me around just in case. What do you think I should do? Can couples really become friends after a relationship?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
It is probable that ex-couples can become friends after the wounds have been healed depending on the situation. Your relationship with your ex doesn't sound healthy at all. He is obviously still young, doesn't quite know what he wants, very indecisive. You cannot be his toy, whenever he wants you he can have you. I don't think so!!!! To be honest with you it seems like your ex would just call you up for a "good time" if you catch my drift or might just keep you around just in case it doesn't work with a future girl. Similar situation happened to me. My ex would contact me after we broke up, my emotions were also riding on a rollercoaster, so I was a bit infuriated, because what gave him the right to message me especially when i was getting over him, so I basically told him not to contact me anymore, no point on being friends w/a compulsive liar. I believe that was the best thing to do in my situation, because I got over him and now I've met the most amazing person who is better suited for me. I strongly believe by getting rid of your indecisive ex, you will meet someone better suited for yourself... but you won't meet him if you're still on this emotional rollercoaster with your ex. If you don't want to lose all ties with your ex, ignore him for a while, see if it works and you take charge and just call him up for special occasions (birthdays, holidays, etc), but you guys had horrible communication skills... what's the point??? my best advice... forget him... just cherish the good moments and move on... you'll find someone and be truly happy! good luck! i hope this somewhat helped... stay strong and true to yourself... and listen to your gut... for it is you who will end up making your decisions no one else.. we could only offer advice! Good Luck on whatever you decide.
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