She's Stringing Me Along
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I dated my ex girlfriend for two years before we broke up about two months ago. Before she dumped me she was super distant and would only get excited to go out and hang with her new friends that i had never met before. She broke up with me for good about a week after our 2 year anniversary. I have been misserable for the last 2 months. She has been stringing me along telling me she wanted to get back with me but she wasnt sure if it was for the right reasons.
After she dumped me i commited to make the move to go to Washington DC for 6 months to live with my sister. We currently live in Laconia New Hampshire. Recently she seems that she really wants to try and make it work, but every time we try and hang out she isnt able to show me any affection even though she says she wants to be back with me and loves me and misses me on the phone. She says she is afraid to fall back in love with me and depend on me so much.
Recently she revealed that she has made a good guy friend since we broke up. She says they hang out and watch movies together but they are nothing more then friends. I belive that is true now but i know that for a while before we started dating she was just my friend and had no interest in me otherwise. Given her past im not sure I am going to be able to trust her to not fall in love with another guy while im gone.
She kissed another guy the first night she left for college and didnt tell me about it untill she was done her first year of college. I love her and I am miserable without her. But her flip flopping emotions are really starting to take a toll on my mental well being. Im not sure what to do.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
You don't trust her--really. You have every right not to. My ex and I have gotten back to spending time together and we have started being really affectionate and started having sex again. We are in a relationship without calling it one. Her other ex, though, is still spending time with her and wants to be back with her. I made the choice to get stuck in this situation and am now paying for it. Best advice I have is to do what I've done: tell her if you're going to spend ANY time together that she has to be honest with you. If you get the feeling she isn't being honest, then confront her. Keep doing that until either you don't feel the need to anymore or it's time to cut the cord for good because she's still lying to you. Some people are so selfish they dn't care how the other person is treated. My ex is a selfish one. To be with her in any capacity requires a lot of effort, more than most. It all depends on what you're willing to put up with and whether you think it's worth the trouble. As for me, I think my ex is worth it. Just remember not to sacrifice yourself in the process and allow yourself to be used. If she can't be honest and you continually feel like she's playing a game, then drop her and find some peace of mind, cuz then she's not worth it. My ex has the capacity to be honest, but I've already had to confront her on a couple of occasions about some things I've noticed that smelled like lying or manipulation. If I smell it again, I'll confront her. If I smell it too many times, I'll finally cut the cord. So far, I haven't reached that point yet.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer