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Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river. --Malagasy Proverb



It makes him not want to say it ?



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
My boyfriend and I are both in our mid 40's, both divorced over 10 years, both in long term prev relationships before meeting. We have been together 9 months,exculsivly. A few weeks ago I felt I really wanted him to know I loved him and I started saying it to him very casually, after making love, at the end of a phone call sometimes, ect. Yesterday I sent him a e-card really just to tell him I was thinking about him, hope he had a good day and I told him I senced that when I did tell him I loved him I could tell he was not uncomfortable but that there was something there ?( He did tell me once last Sunday he loved me to.) Later yesterday while talking the e-card and message came up and he told me it did but it didnt bother him I said it to him but that by ME telling him I loved him I was making him not want to tell me HE loved me ??? What is that about ? Is this a game or what? Thanks....




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
manipulation


Hey lady I'm in the same boat as your BF. I react like I'm being manipulated, so all I feel is like I want to get away when I'm told she loves me. This is a result of past conditioning with a manipulative woman... and I now I can't stand being told love by my new GF based upon my prior experience of "love". It's a shame indeed that I make such negative associations with that word 'love'. Keep in mind for yourself that any word is only a token. Love is not a word but actions,a nd attitude.
I KNOW women like to be told they're loved, but if you can tell my his actions he cares about you, console yourself with that. He is going to have to learn true love is free, and the best way you can do that is to show show show him, and not so much tell him but once in a while. When you do tell him, do it spontaneously. If you find yourself thinking about it before you say it, refrain from saying it because it will come off as fake. You should continue to be a real person in spite of his issues with semantics, and manipulative possessiveness.

For him, when he hears "I love you" it might really mean "You better love me bc that's what I expect back"

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