I say thing I dont mean, the regret them
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My fiancee and I have been arguing alot lately and I am starting to realize that its typically my fault. I dont understand what causes it, but sometimes I just get really, really mad at her and in hindsight, it was for no reason. I say things, that are very hurtful, that I would never say any other time. I feel terrible because I am a genuinely nice person and quite honestly wouldnt even say some of the things I say to her, to my worst enemy. I love this woman so much and it kills me that I have hurt her. I am disgusted with some of the things that have come out of my mouth and wish I never said them.
I have never been so attracted and just in awe of another person in my entire life. Very often the types of things that set me off for some reason are if she talks about stuff in college that she has done, anything about ex's or sometimes just what she is doing out with her friends at that moment on the phone. Its almost like I dont want to think about her in any situation that she may have had more fun that I have had in the past or just doing things that would be considered a little crazy. I know we all had great times in college and everyone gets a little nuts when they are there, its part of the experience. But when I think of her in those types of situations, I just go into a red zone and I start saying some of the most irrational things. The moment it comes out of my mouth I know I didnt mean it and want to take it back, but its already too late. The ironic thing is, the person I remind myself of the most is my mother. She still does the same thing when she argues with me, which is saying things that just dont even make sense and are so hurtful you cannot believe she said them. I am in the process of seeing a therapist because I need to change or this wont work. I just wanted to see if I could get a little helpful insight into whats going on here.
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
i'm a 17 yearold girl and that is me perfectly. my boyfriend just told me i need help. but it's hard for me because i lost my virignaty to him and he wasn't a virgin, and it angers me when he's doing things without me too. he has only been with one other person but it upsets me. i look at the damage i've already done and try to avoid it and talk to your girlfriend about why you get so upset. we just have to deal with the fact that they had lives before us just as we did before them.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer