she still sees her ex and i havent met him
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My girlfriend and I have been seriously dating for 8 months. We have been fighting lately because she continues to be close friends with her ex plus hangouts with others who were madly in love with her. A month into our dating my gf went to Hawaii on a trip with her friend. A about two months after that trip she then tells me she actually went with her ex who she dated for three years. At that time they only were broken up for a couple months. She claimed they were just friends at that point.
She then said that her ex doesn't know about me yet because she is going through some hard times and doesn't want to hurt her. I said if you are just friends then why should this even be an issue. She didn't tell her ex about me for about 5 months. 8 months into our relationship I still haven't met this ex and they continue to hangout and my gf even spent christmas day with her ex and family bc I was out of town visitng my own family.
I couldn't take it anymore and I told my gf I want to meet this ex so I can have peace of mind. At first my gf thought that would be weird but then agreed. A month later I stil haven't met her. I am nervous that there is something between them that my gf can't let go. What do you think?
On top of it...the first night I met my gf at a bar she was there with a friend. This friend got very upset bc she said she loved my gf and bought her a drink then started crying bc my gf was talking to me. She would write my gf love letters and would check her instant message away message to make sure she would not run into her bc it would be too painful. My gf thought this other girl was acting crazy so cut off comunication with her. Now 8 months later the two started hanging out together out of the blue. This hurts me bc i feel this other girl still likes my gf. i told my gf this hurts me and she says it is nothing and they are just friends.
I can't take this. I haven't met these other girls and love my gf so much but i feel like it is causing me too much stress. Why does she think she is doing nothing wrong and do you think she is in the wrong? Please help.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Talk with her
I am going through a similar situation. My gf actually let her ex move into her house. When we first started dating, my gf still had feelings for her ex that she only admitted to me recently. It has been very very dificult because they spend so much time together now, but then again i know that my gf loves me and we are celebrating our 1yr anniv. this month so when i sit down and really think about it, i know that they broke up for a reason, they made better friends than lovers and i just have to accept the fact that they are friends. i can't contol her and tell her who she can hangout with but what i did that helped a lot was i talked to my gf and told her that i was struggling with jealousy and that i just needed help and reassurance getting over it. My gf completely understood and is really helping me deal with my insecurities about the issue. JUst talk to her and tell her how you are feeling and ask her to help reassure you that things between her and her ex are over.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer