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My boyfriend's ex-wife calls constantly



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have just recently broken up with my boyfriend. Everything in the relationship was good except for his ex-wife calling him pretty much every day. She doesn't want him back and is living in a different state near her family where she has a new job and is buying her own house. But she is a very shy insecure person but was also very controlling in their marriage. Apparently over a year since the separation she is still having a hard time adjusting to her new life and meeting people and feeling good about herself. But her constant calling made me so jealous and angry. I wanted to be understanding and compassionate but I just couldn't do it. It felt so threatening to me even though he has told me a million times that he just wants to be a friend to her because she is having a hard time adjusting to her new life. I saw it as an emotional bond between them that is keeping our relationship form growing. Now I am thinking that it was a petty irrational jealousy keeping our love form growing. Thye didn't even have a normal marriage and there is no sexual attraction. My ex-husband cheated on me and I have some insecurity issues from my youth. Was this all okay and I just lost a great relationship because I couldn't open my heart and give things a chance to evolve and develop on their own?




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Two times too much


I actually am proud that you had enough strength to leave. I am in a similar situation but am too attached to leave, so I just suffer in my own jealousy and anger and drive myself and my boyfriend crazy. And I don't know if I would call it "irrational" jealousy...there is a complete right to be upset if she's calling everyday I think. And I think even talking two times a week is two times too much, but, that could be my jealousy/insecurity talking again.

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