The spark is dying
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend is not being very affectionate to me anymore. We don't have very intimate moments anymore and a lot of times doesn't want me to kiss her. But then she tells me she loves me and when I am not around she gets upset I am not around. When we are away from eachother she sends me text messages or calls me a lot. I try to make things interesting in our love life but it becomes hard when you are the only one putting effort. We haven't had sex in a while either. Then out of nowhere she will want to kiss me, but not often and I will be told that she loves me but again, not very often. I don't know what to do anymore. Our romance is not the same anymore and I want to rekindle it. Any advice would be welcome.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
On keeping the fire going, here is one thing that works in a lot of cases:
Change...change in an interesting way. Take up a few new hobbies, start trying on new outfits...if you're not already in great shape, work out some more and change your body for the better. Go out to late night dance classes alone and meet new people, spend the latter part of your weekend hiking/skiing/doing-something-interesting-alone.
Don't explain why you're changing. Don't explain the reasoning behind it...when she asks why you're wearing new clothes or working on some new hobby, pass it off like it just came as a random idea. This makes you mysterious again...and mystery is very attractive. Also, do it in a way that makes her respect you. When she asks why you didn't take her dancing, say "didn't know you were interested; you could come, if you want--I'll show you how to tango" not "oh, I did it for you." This shows her that you are being independent, that you don't need her to have fun--this makes her respect you, and respect is very attractive.
At one time you had both of these from her...now they've faded, most likely, because you've been together for so long and there's probably some boredom kicking in. Having her see you change independent of her, seeing you improving your life without relying on her, will make her fall in love all over again.
...in theory. Maybe there's something else going on and it won't work, you never know. I'm not saying it's easy by any stretch of the imagination, but try it after your long conversation and see if it works. If it doesn't, you'll feel better about yourself nonetheless, and that will help ease your relationship worries.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer