Jealous of g/f's ex
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Me and my gf have be together for a year now. We have been fighting on and off cause she has a friend I don't really like him. Sometimes I wonder to myself if she's dating me or him. Everytime I say something about him she goes off and starts yelling, and telling me im way to jealous and I need to grow up. It feels like she's taking more up for him then she had every me. Before I met her, they had a sexual thing going on. She tells me they don't like each other that way anymore but when i'm at her house she never goes with him anywhere but when i'm not there she does. it makes me supisious. What do you think?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
be calm and mature
Jealousy is bad... but its natural and you have a right to your feelings. But jealousy tends to make people irrational and be suspiscious of something that may be just nothing so it is important to try to think logically and rationally. Ok yes you should try to be less jealous because with so much jealousy you're bound for disaster but dont take all the blame onto yourself. When you're the jealous person and then when you've calmed down you might feel like you werer a jerk... you probably were... but theres more to it than just you. Your girlfriend isnt exactly faultless either. "Everytime I say something about him she goes off and starts yelling, and telling me im way to jealous and I need to grow up" why does she do this? why cant she tell you nicely that you're the one she loves and how much she cares about you? maybe you provoked her to act like this? so the first thing you need to do is get rid of that jealousy and accusations or whateevr negative stuff that you say or do to provoke her. Once you are in control of yourself then you should sit down with her and have a *calm and mature* discussion about how her friend makes you feel. just keep in mind that if she feels like you are accusing her or being angry at her, you will get be stuck in this situation. So just calm down and be nice to her and talk things through.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer