I Was Cheated On in the Past - How Do I Trust?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been cheated on in both of my previous, serious relationships. The first one was a year and a half the second was a couple years. Both of them cheated on me continuously.
Now, I have been with my current guy for 3 years and he has not given me a reason not to trust him, he is a great person. But I cannot get over the past and let it go, therefore I feel like everyone is up to no good and that isnt fair to him. How do I get over my past and trust again?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
As I scrolled threw the many questions I realized that I felt the exact same way. its like once you know what it is liked to be cheated on and lied to; you feel like it can happen again
people say that you have to learn to trust again, but i feel its like trying to be a virgin for the second time; you cant. when you know what the unknow feels like you cant turn that back.
In my humble opinion, what i can say is this: as your own person, nurture yourself ( books, excercise, poetry. etc.)because you can loose yourself in someone elses betryal. Let the other person no that they have hurt you or that you have been hurt before so that they no where you stand.Tell them in an understading and helpful way that you honestly care for them and that if they feel the same way they will let you know that cheating is, has, or will always be an issue for them and that you guys can try to work through those feelings together to decide if you relationship will or can survive both of you guys needs.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer