My Husband cheats because I don't trust him!
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years. We've been married for 2 1/2. Thinking about it now, I can honestly say Trust has always been a huge issue for us. Before we got together I already had my own problems, with just having my heart handed to me by my first love. Anyway, when we first got together he was already dating a couple other girls, which I didn't care about because I wasn't looking for anything serious. A couple months later, I got pregnant and we never looked back...Now lets just to the present! I won't go into the few times he has been busted cheating before we got married as we both agreed to look forward. My husband and I are both very different people but we've always managed to make it work. Well last year around Thanksgiving we just couldn't get along. I mean we where fighting non stop. He would hang out half the night, I would call and accuse him of being with someone else. We went on like that for weeks. Finally one night I came home (I work second shift so I don't get home til 1030pm, while he gets off work at 5pm) and he was actually already in bed sleep. I picked up his phone in a honest attempt to turn it off, but I notice he had a voicemail message so I called it. It was from this girl calling to say she missed him and was just calling to say I love you and good night. I can still feel the pain in my heart from that night. Anyway, I found the girls number and I called her back. She said they had only be seeing each other for a few weeks, but they've been hanging out and have been intimate at least once (for some reason she couldn't remember exactly how many times). So, I woke him up! At first he tried to lie about it, but he finally came clean. I can honestly say that was the worst night of my life. As I love this man more than anything in the word. The next day I called a marriage counselor. We got put on the waiting list, but I was able to get some counseling over the phone because they could tell I was so distraught. We talked for a long time over the next few days. It took a while to get the girl to stop calling though. I noticed they had talked a few times a few months ago, but he swears it was more her contacting him then anything. His first love found him on one of those high school reunion websites and they have been emailing each other fairly often. I've expressed how much I don't like it, but he says that they where good friends once and that is all they are now. They use to email and talk on the phone several times a week, but he has realized that it causes a lot of trouble in our relationship so he has stopped talking to her so much (now they talk maybe once a month). His birthday was last Thursday...Saturday morning, I wake up and there is a B-Day card on his windshield from some girl. In the card she expresses that she knows she shouldn't have feelings for him but she does and that he is sexy (actually she called him Mr Sexy). I asked him about the card and the girl and he said that it was some girl that he made small talk with a girl that works at the gas station (he was buying beer and she noticed it was his birthday). He said, that he told her he was married, and she kept asking where she knows him from. He said he said he lives on Vine street and she probably seen him there, which would account for how she found his car. Anyway, I found out today that he has hung out with her and they have talked on the phone once or twice but nothing physical has happened. His biggest thing with me is that I don't trust him, because I always assume he is talking to girls or going to see girls. And I must admit I am constantly checking for something. We have been thru SO much together and our son would be heartbroken if we didn't try to make this work, but all I see is him cheating on me. I also think my self esteem is shot, as I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant with our child and I never lost it. In fact I know I have gained more sense then. He has never put me down about it, in fact he is always saying how sexy I look and is very affectionate when we are getting along. I want to make my marriage work, but I don't know if I can trust him, if he can leave without being trusted and if he can be faithful. Please help!
PS: We did get counseling for a few months but it was kind of expensive so we stopped.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
I personally believe you should leave him….he cheated on you more than one time with different women….What else do you want?? Listen, by staying with him you are showing him that you can’t be without him….
Look I know is very difficult to end a relationship specially when you are in love, but sometimes is better if you do it. Apparently, you are gaining more weight and I believe that you are gaining the weight because you are constantly checking on him and stressing about him. As a result, your mind is only on him and by dealing with this situation you unconsciously eat, to the point that you have forgotten about your self.
Well let me tell you something about me, like 3-years ago I was in a similar situation as you (except we weren’t married). The guy cheated on me more than 4-times, I use to ask my self why can’t I live him?? I just couldn’t even though I was getting hurt….However, one day I just had enough with all of this, so I decided to end it ( even though I didn’t want to). It was very difficult at first and very depressing. I use to be at home listing to love songs and began thinking of him, so after two week of being depress L I decided to join the Gym, so I did. Not only did I join the gym, but also I started to go out with friends and began meeting guys. Little by little I was getting back my confident back and began feeling GREAT!! I lost a lot of weight, and I had a great relationship with my friends and began dating.
What I am trying to tell you is, you deserve better than thatL, “There are more fishes on the sea” you know what I mean. Regarding your son, don’t worried….don’t use your son as an excused, put it this way, Your son will eventually grow up, he will leave your sight and then get married….so what about you, well you will grow old ( sorry for being so honest), and guess what still leaving with that guy who keeps cheating on you!!….Look, I don’t how old is your son, but if he is young, well talk to him once he is old enough to understand. Your son will understand, by the way you are not the only woman who’s going to raise a child on her own.
Move on, you and any women who is going trough the same problem don’t deserve to be treated like that. I hope this letter help you.
By the way if you decide to stay with him talk to him, and join a gym trust me that will make you feel great!!….and ask him to take a trip with you, who knows that might help!!
who wants to help you :)
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer