Choosing between Two Guys
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
Hi. Im a girl in high school and i love 2 guys. Ive been through pain, and hurt, and ive been through love. I know what it feels like to be treated like a princess, and treated like a beggar. i know that i am in love, the problem is it is with two guys. my feelings for them are so strong. one i never can see because he is constantly in different places, the other is at my school but he is always working. one loves me in return, we feel the same way for each other, but he roams from place to place that i never can see him. and they other just calls me from time to time, but he was in an arts class with me and i sat with him and i fell in love.
i do not know what to do. here are two great men, whom i both love, and the reality of it is that i may only choose one. and its so hard, because i will get my heart broken either way, or i could be making the wrong decision and lose the greatest guy ever. now i know that there are millions of other guys out there, but i live everyday as if it were my last. if i dont seize the moment, then i will never know if i will love again. please help me in my decision. i dont want to screw up. thank you
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Wow. I know exactly how you feel. It is true. You can be in love with 2 different people. I'm an attractive, successful 25 yr old female, who is in complete control of all aspects of my life....except for this one. I met *Cesar* about a year ago, and after quite sometime of him pursuing me, we went out. As it turned out, I fell madly in love with him. This was all such a new experience for me, being as I'd never been in love before. Soon after, he had to leave for 6 months of training, overseas. I was devastated. We both agreed that we would continue to see other people, and once he returned we would see where things stood between us.
After he first left, I went into depression. Willing myself out of that mode, I decided to get out and re-socialize. Through a network of friends, I was introduced to a last yr architectural student, *Ricardo*. Immediately I was taken with him. He was tall, beautiful, and confidant. Not to mention, I always hold a place in my heart for all architects, for my father was one. We casually dated, nothing serious, and as months went by, something happened. I had lost sight of Cesar and began thinking more about Ricardo. Either man would be my ideal mate. One is not better than the other, yes they have different aspects and personalities that are unique, but I couldn't imagine letting one go.
After a few months had passed, I had become quite smitten with Ricardo. Which happened to be about the same time I received a phone call. It was Cesar. He was back. For a moment I felt dizzy, almost scared. What was I to do? I really liked Ricardo, and the man I once felt love with had just re-entered my life. I told him I couldn't wait to see him, when in reality, part of me didn't. Still I don't know if my resentment to see him was because I was scared of bringing back suppressed memories of what we had, or just satisfied with what I had with Ricardo. After persuasion, I agreed to visit him. Thats when my world came crashing down. After several days, all of my feelings for him were re-ignited. However my feelings for Ricardo were still vivid. A situation I swore I'd never be in. The best advice I can give to you is the same advice I live by. You can't make a solid commitment to either one until you know. Both men in my life know I see other people. And they can do so as well. What they don't know is the extent my feelings run for the "other man". I was waiting for one of the two to meet someone else and make the decision for me. At this point, I'm convinced it's not going to be that easy. Just take your time. Enjoy their company and don't beat yourself up about it. We're both still young enough to take our time before marriage and children. I'm confidant that eventually one of the two will emerge through the fog, and thats when I'll know. Until then, just have fun. Don't rush anything. And whatever you do, DO NOT have a serious commitment with either of them until one of the two are non-existant. It's not fair to yourself or to them. Not to mention, it's bad karma. And believe me it will come back to haunt you. Don't cheat, dont be deceptive, devious or manipulating. Afterall, when yr 40-60, is that how you want to be remembered? Good Luck.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer