He Abuses Me - What Do I Do?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend started dating when I was 15. I am 21 now. The first 3 months were fine then he started being possesive and abusive. More mental than anything. He told me I was fat so I went on a diet and lost 50 pounds but it wasn't good enough I weighed 115 and he wanted me to keep going. He cheated on me several times and threw it up in my face like it was a game.
We were together for 3 years and I finally told him it was over. I left and met someone else but couldn't stop thinking about him. I was getting married and I was pregnant. But I changed all that. I couldn't imagine living my life without him. I left my fiance and got an abortion so I could go back to him.
For the first time we moved in together and it has gotten really bad. He is mentally and physically abusive to me. He brings girls to my house and sleeps with them. He never comes home. He leaves and turns his phone off so I can't find him and then when I do call he screams at me and calls me a stupid ignorant whore. Even though I have only been with 2 people in my whole life. I don't think thats being a whore.
Please help me I don't know what to do. I can't see my life without him but I can't take living like this anymore.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Think of Yourself
Well im in the situation u r sweetie and it really sucks. ya dont know y u love him but u do.. i think its all about the challenge and not being able to have what u want so u keep fighting to stay with him and with hopes that he will change...CHANGE!!! lol they never change i been doin it for 3 years now and it just gets worse...its not love i dont think its more like wanting a companion and im sure that at once your relatioship was so great that its so difficuld and frustrating to understand y they do what they do if they say they LOVE YOU... When and only when you finaly decide to leave for good is when he will come back begging and then ya give in again and its just a big circle and it gets worse..its so hard for me even to say to u to leave becuase i am struggling to leave as well..but keeping that thought i have been able to get him out but the mental abuse still goes on...we are just the victims of it and the ones after us will suffer from the same thing...im very positive of that, and in the end when ya do leave you will see and i to..lol that we are better off without them and there IS that one special guy out there and he will find ya when u least expect it..get dressed do ur makeup go out have a lil fun..think of urself for once...hes not thinking of u at all hes sleeping with others..when and only when he is treated the same is when he will realize how screwed up he is...but even if he does realize he still wont CHANGE IT WILL go back to the abusiveness...you have given up so much in ur life already by leaving ur fiancee and having an abortion..he is brining u down leave before its to late move on spend ur time with someone else...im doin the same i have had it and cant take no more so i feel ur pain immensely..but just dont answer phone dont call even though so hard u have to u will be better off...its funny that i say that cuz its hard for me to but good luck to you and trust you gut and ur instincts they are always right women know when they got a spoiled egg. the good guys always finish last, maybe u should ask the lord for forgiveness for your sins for leaving ur ex maybe u can get bak with him or just someone anyone just go. well best of luck to ya sweetie..
u can im me if u would like its btwoangel....thats aim instant messenger..ttyl bye
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer