Just a hook up or does she like me? love not returned?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
So for the past four months i have gotten to know this girl pretty well. She is my roomates ex and though i know that is a sticky situation. he broke up with her, she made the move on me, and im not really friends with my roomate. Weve been hooking up and involved from the start, but it became obvious she was still interested in her ex. We even got to the point where we were together but it did not last very long as she broke up with me because of her persistant feelings for her ex as he was her first love. I continue to spend time and hook up with her as I have strong feelings for her. I dont know if its love but its sure close to it. I know she doesnt feel the same way to the same extent but i keep telling myself that she does like me. For the third time in these months, she and her ex got into a fight which resulted in her saying she was cutting him out of her life for good. unfortunately , the first two times they got to talking again. I hate the way he makes her feel and i want to be with her, i just dont know if its the smart decision here. Should i keep hanging out with her and trying to be with her? Should i give her some space? Does she even like me? I want to be with her so bad and she says she likes me but doesnt want to be in a relationship for a while at least...i just dont know what to do.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have been this girl, and you need to get yourself out of her path.
I am sure that she WANTS, very much, to like you. She tells you she does, and she probably believes it while she's with you.. but as soon as she goes home she starts thinking about the ex again, and that is the thought she goes to sleep with, not you. You keep him in her life.
She's probably rationally aware that you are a "good" guy, unlike the ex... you haven't hurt her, and in fact you are always there to support her, so of course, she SHOULD be happy with you. Unfortunately, girls' rational minds rarely win out. If she's been hanging out with you for more than a month and hasnt completely melted into your arms and foresaken the ex, then you two just don't have "it". -That chemistry she cant explain but that draws her to the asswhole ex. It's not that she's using you, but she'll never come around to you completely. You'll always be a reminder of the man she wanted, but couldnt have. Do you really want to be that guy?
- sorry for the bad news, but I think it's good advice. Let me know if you want anything clarified, and good luck to you.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer