We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
I am a 20 yr old female in a year and 1/2 long relationship. We love eachother but we constantly have communication problems and constant fights about the same topics. I always seem to bring the subject up whenever something reminds me of it and all my boyfriend ends up all irritated and angry and saying, "NOT THIS AGAIN!" and seems to end up with both of us not talking or him saying, "I dont want to deal with this, I'm going home." Then after a period of time everything seems to be forgotten and goes back to our normal silly selves. It usually flares up from a small situation and he thinks im being ridiculious.. but I really think these ridiculious little fights are actually something of a bigger meaning but he doesn't seem to understand that. I keep telling him I always bring it up because it really bothers me and why he just can't discuss it with me and talk it through so we can make our relationship better. He sitll just ignores me and doesn't want to communicate. I tried everything from telling him Communication is key to a relationship to if you want to see what happens if we don't communicate then thats your decision. It so seems that i figured out that he has some problems sharing his Thoughts and Feelings to ANYONE..his family, friends, ME! He can't seem to open up to me enough but yet I have no problem opening up to him. What pisses me off the most is when he GENERALIZES and I tell him to be more specific but he never seems to get the point, even if I ask him a question directly about the subject. I always seem to have to ask him the question directly for him to tell me or else he wouldn't tell me about it at all. This is what we agrue about most and yet he still does not comprehend anything I say of the matter. I have come to the point where I just given up opening up to him and telling him what i feel and think anymore because he has not done the same. I also been having second thoughts about our relationship and think that maybe we weren't meant to be together and we're completely opposite from one another. He's just too careless&laidback and I'm more of a responsible wellbeing. I guess it's more because he is just too simplitic and I'm just too complex.. What should I do?
User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female
Do what you want
My boyfriend is the same, everytime I need to talk about something like "feelings" he gets upset and just stares...I am not sure if he is listening, but he just won't answer!! If he says something, he claims I am criticizing him, even if I know I am not! The other thing he does that makes me crazy is that he can't make up his mind!! We were going on a trip, we had a time-share week in Miami, a definite date, and he never made up his mind to buy the tickets until last minute, then he was mad because it was too expensive!!! I did tell him a month before we should get the tickets right away, and he kept stalling!! He knew we were going, he claims he was not sure which week we had...While he was stalling with the ticket purchase, all he talked about was how much fun we were going to have...I just listened and went along with him, but it was driving me crazy...and now...it is almost Christmas, and he still doesn't know what to do!!! One day he says he wants us to go and stay in a cottage in the mountains...away from all the Christmas rush and shopping, then he says we should go to his parents and then my family...then he changes his mind again...at this point..I decided I will go on with MY plans and if he wants to join me, great...if he can't make up his mind, he will end up alone at Christmas!
My advice to you is, keep going with your life, try to talk to him again in a non confrontational manner, men hate confrontation of any kind, and no matter what you want to say, don't start with "We need to talk" that will surely make him clam up! It has worked for me, and we are happy, just accept him the way he is, and you will find a way to talk to him. Oh! one more thing! never critize him!! Men hate that too....makes them raise all their defenses! Good Luck!
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