Sick and Tired of being sick and tired
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
I am in the aftermath of an unfaithful wife. 9 yrs ago she got a little to friendly with a co-worker and she told me of it, and kiss was the extent of it. That situation was hard, and I exploded into a fury of tears and anger. But we got over it, worked through it. Now almost 2 years ago she got another job and again got to friendly with a co-worker. only this time it went further. Disgusting, filthy garbage. Hiding in alleys, going to parks, going to empty parking lots, make out sessions and oral sex twice (so she says). It has taken about a year and a half for her to spill what she calls the truth of what happened and why. Heres my question....I DON'T FREAKIN' BELIEVE HER!!! It doesn't make sense, and if it does not make sense it is not true! ooops.....back to my question.....I honestly feel more has happened, and I think she may go to her death bed denying it. How can I know if what she says is ALL that happened, is really true? She has done this twice.....She is gonna do it again isn't she? This whole ordeal has taken so much out of me, I emotionally feel sick....tired....spent. Someone please help me. WHat should I do? I would walk away from here tonight, but we have 3 children and I don't want them hurt. I am just sinking in frustration, pain and misery and anger.....I feel like exploding.......I am just sick and tired, of being sick and tired.......please help
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Don't deserve it
Hey there- firstly I'd like to say that you did nothing, I repeat and stress, NOTHING to deserve what she did ok? And her actions are not a reflection on you as a person or as a man or your worth-emotionaly or sexually. There's nothing lacking in you, but in HER character. The fact that you can do nothing to stop her from doing it again prooves that you did nothing to cause her to do it in the first place.Its domething in HER- NOT in you.. GET THAT. Her actions DO NOT define you. She seems to have a deep seated spiritual need which needs to be filled by herself and her Maker.
You're probably wondering why you haven't left her yet? You probably keep thinking you should just give her the boot but find your self unable to do so? After that you feel disgusted with yourself for not having done it- a vicious cycle. I'd just like you to know that this is a perfectly normal reaction. Two things happen to people after an ordeal like this. #1 they become promiscuous themselves or #2 they try to regain territory. The mammal in you may sleep with her to make her yours again... the man in you will want to regain and reaffirm that intamacy eventhough touching her and kissing her hurts. Phisically hurts. I hope that you believe in God cus He is the only way to deal with what you're feeling right now. But you don't deserve this. You deserve to be loved for the king that you are.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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