I'm afraid to love my husband of 19 years.
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I'm afraid to love my husband of 19 years. TO be more specific, I'm afraid of being hurt and disappointed by his actions. I'm afraid of never resolving conflicts. I'm afraid he will not love me like I want to be loved. I'm afraid he won't consider my feelings about disagreements we get into, etc.,etc. I've learned to shut my heart off with him. It keeps me safe. Of course, this doesn't do our relationship any good, but I don't know how to let my guard down. I've been disappointed and hurt too many times to count and this time I just can't seem to give in once more to try and make the marriage work. I'm not sure what to do. I've considered separation, which i know would be one way to not have to "Worry" about being "Afraid" to love him because i wouldn't be obligated to. How do i decide what to do? Or what should he do? Is this a problem that i should run away from by separating from him? Will I ever be able to love him with my whole heart or has too much damage been done??
User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female
I have been married 23 years and have had the cheated on experience and hurt and disapointment..I also have shut off my heart but he hasn't slept at home for about a month and a half because of a second Job that he spends the night at. The husband stops by but only for about `5 minutes....I then was able to see how it is without him..that is something a separtation would enable you to see...IF you like peace and more relief possibly or miss him next to you and whatever companionship he provided...Although, if he wasn't there overnight ...there is the trust issue of what is" he doing" while gone...communication and marriage counseling would be good.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer