Can nothing to look foreward to, divide us?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I've been living with a guy for 9 years, now. It was love at firgt sight for the both of us. When we first got together he was honest bye telling me he was married, but seperated. I kept seeing him. We feel in love. Moved in together, and are still together. He still has not gotten a devorse due to money problems. I understand about that, I think. Over the years, alot has happened between us. Lots of state moves, cheating on both our parts (just once a piece 4 years ago) Lost our house and everything in it, and having to start over again and again, and was told that we could not concieve a child...and ext. He is my best friend. He has a problem with promising me things sinceraly, and something always happens. over and over again. Alots of things that we have no contorl over. But over the years I lost my faith in what he says and come to exspect something to happen. He knows but does not want to talk about it. But everytime alittle of me dies. About a year ago, he lost all interest in sex, and the speciel moments between us. It's really hard to get him to talk to me about us, or anything about us. He trys to turn to conversation around, and change the subject. And if I keep on he closes up on me, which then starts a fight. He tells me to be pacinent and that it's not me, that he is just not interested. But, I have gain wait do to depression and so on. Last night I went and bought a new nighty, and I got no responce. Not a second look, or you look pretty or anything. It was like I had everyday close on. When he came to bed, he got in rolled over and said good night. I got angery, got up, took off the nighty, got in to bed. He asked "WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU". I ask him why can't he at least tell me I look pretty, or something. He then got furusterated and rolled over to go to sleep. That made me feel useless in all ways. I got angry and asked him "WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME I'M PRETTY EVERYNOW AND AGAIN?" And his response was "FINE THEN YOUR PRETTY", with a hateful attatude, then he rolled over and went to sleep. He was never like this before bad just kept getting worse. Do you think that this relationship can be fixed, or have any adive. I love him with all my heart, and want to do anything I can to fix what ever may be the problem. I feel like the whole world is aginst us being together. And that I will never expience all the happy things like a wedding, a baby, a family, or at least a happy relationship. Could that be his problem too?
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
My father left my mother becuase she became fat.
This seems shallow and it is. But in my fathers eyes her becoming fat and not caring about her body anymore told him that she didn't care about him. If my husband were to completely let himself go and gain tons of weight I would be a little mad at him to. he should care enough about me to care about himself and look nice for me. Nobody is attracted to someone who they don't find attractive from the outside. If your man were to tell you that he doesn't want to have sex with you because you have turned into a cow then he would be scum of the earth in the eyes of everyone in society.....everyone accept me. But to me caring about yourself means that you care about him. so why not start blaming the weight gain on yourself, rather than depression, go to weight watchers (it worked for my mother after her divorce) and buy a new pair of running shoes. Tell him you want him to think you are pretty again. He will appreciate it and this could possibly save your marriage.
I hope you listen.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer