Boyfriend's ex is having his baby
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Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am dating a guy that i met when he was still living with his ex. They had so many problems, and he even told me that he had planned to break up with her once he got back on his feet. Well he eventually broke up with her, but we were kinda dating when they were still together. Then when he breaks up with her she is supposively 2 months pregnant with his kid. he told her that he wasnt ready for a kid, but it was ultimately her decision. When he met me he told me i was exactly the kind of girl her was looking for and i told him that i wanted him.. not his baggage of having his ex girl, and me being the girl on the side. i didnt want to settle for that. So we began dating and she was still in the picture.. constantly calling him.. threatening me to hurt me, and she even told him that if he is with me he cant see his kid. When this all occured i really could not understand how someone like this could possibly bring a child into the world with a positive upbringing. my boyfriend has scars from when she used to attack him. I always had doubts in him b/c i met him when he was with someone else, so why wouldnt he do the same to me right? that always puts doubts in my mind. And at the time i met him, i didnt realize what i was getting into.I really feel like his ex is having this baby to use as a weapon against him and our relationship. There are times he went back to her when we would fight and break up, but we would eventually get back together and I would be left with the memory of him going back to her, the girl he once was so desperate to get away from. I was so supportive of him when he was having problems with her, i listened to him,gave him time, and gave him my all ultimately, but there is only so much you can take... There are times his ex's call him and he tells me i would like them, if i knew them we'd be friends. I tell him i dont want to be friends with your ex's. I dont even like the fact that you bring them up. He never talks about me, or how lucky he is to have me. I know i was stupid for taking him back but, i am in too deep and i really do love him. I just want to know the steps i need to take when he makes me jealous, cause i never had the urge to do that to him.
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
Get over it
I suggest you give A LOT of thought to this relationship. My boyfriend has 3 children...2 with his ex-wife, and 1 from a brief relationship after his divorce. It is extremely dificult at times to deal with these women, and many issues involved including jealousy. One thing you have to remember is the mother of your boyfriends child is not going to 'go away'. He will have constant contact with her day after day for at least the next 18 years. No matter how dificult it is for you (and I speak for myself as well) to hear about her and listen to phone messages from her, you are the one who will have to deal with it, live with it, and 'get over' your own jealousy issues. It will be all about you accepting their relationship, because they can't change what has already taken place.
I wish you the best of luck...remember that you are not the only woman in the position you are in!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer