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I just so happen to be the jealous and insecure person



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hello,
I have been reading the information on this site and on other as well and I still can't seem to find the answers i'm looking for. I just so happen to be the jealous and insecure person.... My boyfriend recently went on a trip (for guys only). My boyfriend is a very nice guy, nice to the point that he can be considered nieve. However, we both acknoledge that I clearly have issues with jealousy and insecurity and we have been trying our hardest to identify these inappropriate feelings and actions and come up with solutions. The problem is even though I don't speak up and I don't overreact like I once did, I still have these overwhelming feelings inside me that are just as strong as they have always been. I figured by just keeping my mouth shut and "dealing" with it I would eventually begin to lose some of those feelings and be okay with it. But they arent going away they eat at me from inside out. Before my boyfriend left on his trip I told him I would like him to have a good time but also started saying things that I know I shouldnt say..but I do!. The reasons why I began to change my opinion is because when I think about him being out there with a bunch of men ( who are in relationships and almost break their necks in mid conversation cause a half naked chick walks by)....It makes me feel really depressed and uncomfurtable. I KNOW he will not cheat on me, but just the fact that he is in that sort of atmosphere makes me literally sick to my stomach. I know that my feelings are wrong and I should not feel this way, but I honestly can't help it. I know what things I should be doing to help cure myself and my boyfriend knows what SHOULD be effective as well. He is an amazing person and I don't know what to do and I don't want to sabotage another relationship and later look back and realize how pathetic I was. I probably will continue to let on that I am sad that he is away and won't turn it into a big thing. The only way I have ever found effective in dealing with my issues is disconnecting myself from the relationship, which I know is the worst possible way, it's almost like sabotaging my own relationship. I love him and I need some direction in other methods possibly to help me contain my inappropriate feelings and behavior. I want to change and I wish I could not care about stupid things like this! I think that my overall view of men, (because of media, double standards, and first hand experiances) have played a big role in my feelings and thoughts. I will never come to accept what society says is "typical male behavior". I know that this is a lot to swallow but any sort of feedback could help me out tremendously!

Thank you for you time and help!




User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
Annoyed


I have a very similar problem. my b/f is SO carefree and doesn't seem to worry about anything like boys hitting on me and w/e .. Because he trusts me .. but I get SO annoyed b/c I can't do that . Good luck

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