She's Dating a guy 10+ Years Older and Flirting with Me
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Male
I got a question regarding a bit of an odd 'love triangle' sort of. I met this girl over the internet back in july. We hang out once every couple weeks or so. She does like me, she's told me that if she wasnt with her boyfriend she would have asked me out.
We are both very shy, which makes things a bit tricky. I'll come over, we will talk for a few minutes, then we both just blank out and get really quiet, luckily we are watching TV, but maybe i use that as a write off for being shy. But the shy part isnt whats got me wondering.
She is 18 years old, i am 20, but her boyfriend is 33, she just found out he was 33 also, he told her he was 27, but found out he lied. She keeps telling me she doesnt think they will last much longer, she thinks she will become single again soon, but then she says she will wait for him to come back, give him 6 months, and if she isnt happy with him, she will leave him (he's been injured out of state for several months or so he says, since early august) ...
Is she hinting me or something? I really want to be all flirty and try to 'take her from him', but i just feel that if i were to try and do that, id be putting stress on her, making her choose, and its not really for me to decide if she wants to stay with him. Ive never met him. But... maybe its natural for me to think of him as an enemy, but he is 33! I get this feeling that his whole need to be with her is simply out of perversion, an older man just wants to have sex with a young girl (they have been together since she was 16).
I dont want to tell her to dump him, or call him anything negative, i feel that i would make myself look like i simply wanted her for myself, and wouldnt be considerate of how she is feeling now with her BF, so i actually try and be more supportive, but not trying to encourage them to stay together, i always simply say 'Well, i just hope the best for you' or 'just do whatever makes you feel best' and i dont know if im doing it the right way.
I dont know if these are the types of questions you can answer, but i thought id give it a shot.
So my main questions are :
Is she trying to get me to try and 'liberate' her?
Should i be flirting with her at this point, or should i continue to 'play it safe' ?
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
U seem very considerate of this girl's feelings,u must really care about her? The fact ur a shy person wont help u obviously, but u can overcome that pretty quickly.
I can't believe her BF managed to keep his age a secret for so long?!
If u know she likes you and she still wants to meet up with you even though she's seeing this 33yr old then I'm quite sure that she does want to break free of her current BF.
U have to ask her if she's truely happy being with this BF or not. If she isn't then her realising this may be your key to success, mate.
U need to let her know you're always gonna be there for her. She might be frightened that if she leaves her BF then you wont want her and she'll end up on her own: try to reassure her that you're supportive of her and that you think she DOES deserve a man who can be himself and not have to lie about his age to her.
A little flirting, I think, couldn't do much harm.If she flirts back then you can be sure that she'd rather be with you but is finding it a struggle to brush away her current BF from her life.
Things will turn out for the best one way or another...I only tell u that as I'm a strong believer in fate-optamist huh?
From The IrnBruQueen.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer