Dating Limbo - He Likes me but doesn't want to be my boyfriend.
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
We met in March, started dating in April, and by his discretion we took things "slow" since he had a few really bad past relationships. It's nearly August now... and we seem to have gotten really close. He occasionally spends the night and while we keep our 'intimacy' at the above-waist level there is still sparks there. His friends even bug him pestering him if he considers me his girlfriend yet but he still vehemately denies it. Yesterday I confronted him because I feel I need some sort of definition... because we seem to "act" like boyfriend and girlfriend but he doesn't want to put the label. He says he's afraid of being hurt and hurting me... and that he wants to be able to always escape without consequences.
This seems like a very selfish sentiment.. not to mention I resent being compared to all the past women in his life. Is he "broken" or is four months too quick to ask for at least a little sign of hope that this relationship might be something worthwhile without being worried I'm going to be dropped like a rock?
The hardest thing is that I am very rare to really like a guy, I go years between relationships I'm so "picky" so to find one I like who is subsequently stupid is annoying.
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
"he wants to be able to always ESCAPE without consequences."???
You want my opinion? This shows that he isnt dedicated or comitted.He sounds like he is either insecure or only cares for himself. If somebody wants to be able to just wash there hands of you then they really dont care about you. Try your best to get him to understand that.He may come around.But i mean ESCAPE? That isnt a good foundation for a relationship and why are you giving him ANYTHING even if its above waist if he isnt YOUR BOYFRIEND yet? Hes getting perks without having to make an effort with a true relationship!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer