I Compare Myself to his Exs
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
I'm a virgin (Gosh I can hear most of you laughing at me right now), but my boyfriend isn't. While I do plan on waiting until I'm married to have sex (or as I prefer to call it making love) I was wondering how some of you cope with the feelings of maybe thinking of being compared to a past lover(s) in your s.o's past. (if you or them weren't the first).
Secondly, if you were plagued by these feelings how did you get over it? I'm not holding his past against him whatsoever. I guess what bothers me the most is that if I did decide to want to take things to the next level with him, I wouldn't want to try new positions or other forms of intimate experimentation b/c I'd feel 'well, he probably already did this with so and such at so and such a place...why would he bother wanting to do those things with me? If and when I'm able to over come these insecurities, I know that when I do have a sex life I want it to be wonderful and absolutely fun and spicy.
*Secondly if someone you cared about was feeling the way that I do now, how would you feel and would there be anything you would do to alleviate such insecurities. Thank you all ahead of time for your input and advice I appreciate it very much.
*My bf has never ever compared me to past ex's nor has he pressured me into having sex...he respects my decision to wait.
*Sometimes I think maybe I should break things off with him in order to stop feeling so insecure, so that he'd be better off with someone at his level of experience, it seems like all guys would rather be with an experienced girl, rather than one they would have to 'teach' and didn't have a clue as to what she is doing.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
Lisa's right, you just need to realize your place in eachother's lives. Your not just another trophy in his glass case. You are someone special to him so he should in no way compare you to his past girlfriends.
As far as the position thing goes, you could try a hundred different positions with a hundred different people and you may be quite experienced after all that (not to mention tired). But anything with a new partner will always be a new experience for you and experiencing it with someone you care deeply for multiplies the experience a jillion times! It's not about how many times you do it or how many different partners, it's about who you do it with and if you can put your heart into it.
Lastly, there's only a small bit of truth to that rumor that guys like a woman who is experienced. Because that usually leads us to believe that she is "a"-easy or "b"-diseased. To the contrary, most guys I know would rather have a girlfriend that is relatively inexperienced. It gives you a chance to explore one another and learn to "customize" your habits to what you each like. So it works out for all parties involved in that case.
He sounds like a reasonable guy in that he honors your decision to wait until marriage so don't do anything hasty like break up or anything. Just heed some of the advice here and talk to him. Good communication is never a bad idea.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer