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Love does not consist in gazing at each other - but in looking together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupťry

Long Distance Romance

We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My boyfriend and I started dating during the summer up at a boy scout camp where we both worked during the summer. When the summer came to an end, we decided that we just loved each other too much to break up the relationship even though he lived in Nebraska and I live in Minnesota. The relationship was wonderful, although we didnít get to see each other all that often, just knowing that they were out there made it worth it. We both knew that come January he would be going off to Basic Training in Georgia, so for an entire month before he left, I went down to Nebraska to be with him. Everything was perfect, and the week before he left, he gave me a promise ring and said that he didnít want to lose me when he went away to the Army. I was very flattered, and I wrote him a letter for every day that he was away, and he wrote me back whenever he got the chance. In every letter he ever sent to me, he told me that once he got out of the Army, he was going to marry me. In fact, he talked about it so much, that he had the name of our dog, and children picked out.

So when I went down to his graduation in April and he told me that we needed to be on a break, I was shocked. He said that he just needs to focus on the Army right now, and that heíll probably be sent over to Iraq so he doesnít want me to be so attached to him when and if he leaves. He said that weíll be together again someday and that I just have to have hope, but Iím a bit of a pessimist so Iím failing to have any hope whatsoever. When he was telling me goodbye for the last time, he was still kissing me, and hugging me, and telling me that he loved me, so Iím a little confused.

I donít know what to make of this situation, and more than anything I just want him back, but I know he needs this time apart. So I guess I just want to know what I can do so that in the future when heís out of the Army, I have a shot at getting back together with him.

User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male

Great suggestion. I, being in the Army myself stationed in Iraq, can personally attest to this situation. It's all too common. But it sounds like he REALLY cares for you and he definitely WANTS to be there, but it hurts him inside to think that something may happen to him and you would be left in a world of pain. It also probably sticks in the back of his mind that he is probably going to be gone for a year or more and MANY things can happen in a year.

I have witnessed many too many horror stories of lost relationships from guys over here...women leaving their boyfriends/husbands because of everything from boredom to depression, wive's boyfriends answering the home phone, etc. So he's probably come to terms with the idea that you may move on also. But you may not, and you need to reassure him of that if it's your intention to stay with him. Trust me, a soldier can NEVER receive too many reminders that he/she is still being thought of by those who truly care. So let him know and don't let him forget.

Good luck,


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