I'm in love with my best friend
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
I've known this guy for quite a while...about two and a half years. I liked him the first time i met him, but i didn't know him, all i knew was his name. Then summer came, i went home from school and he was in my mind but I didn't think i would see him again. The next fall i came back to school and he's in one of my classes, and not only is he in one of my classes, but he introduces me to this club in which i got really interested in and joined (he was already in this club). I didn't just join the club because i liked him, i joined it because the members were nice, it helped me to be involved on campus and it provided me with a way to grow, make friends and maybe even make a difference.
Since i joined this club, i tried to put back my feeling towards this guy and be involved in the club for my own reasons, in this respect, i also got to know this guy a lot better. As i got to know him better, i developed all this admiration and respect for him and as this admiration and respect grew for him, it started getting harder and harder. It got harder and harder because i found a great friend in this guy but also a great love for this club and also the other members in the club (eveyone is like a brother or a sister to me)...and in some ways i felt like i shouldn't like this guy because we are so close in this club, and with the other members, and i didn't want my feelings towards him to affect how we work together in this club.
I've never told him how i feel and even though sometimes i think i'm obvious about how i feel about him, i'm really good at hiding my feelings so he might not even know i have all these feelings for him. As a friend i have talked to him and he has expressed how he couldn't be with anyone in this club because of the same reasons i had in my own mind; that it could in turn affect the club and the working relationship with this other person. And then that makes things even harder because i realize how much we are thinking the same about this situation.
Now, 2 years later i have grown to love him so much as a person that even when he does something that makes me really mad I can't even stay mad at him because i understand him so much that i know where he is coming from. I get so irritated because i watch him go and date these other girls who couldn't even begin to love him or understand him as much as i do and i want to just yell in his face "hey pick me, i would love and care for you more than any other person you could even search for", but i can't do that for so many reasons. I just keep telling myself "well if its meant to be, then it will work out, have faith" It hurts me so much because i know in the near future rather he or i will be leaving and after that the opportunity will be lost, and all i will have are the memories of lost chances. Even though you may be good friends with someone, people still move on and lose touch. I'm araid of that. And i'm afraid that this is something perfect that i'm going to lose and i'll be stuck wondering what might have been.
I guess this hasn't really been a question, more of a " i just had to tell someone" thing, but i guess a question could be did i really somehow fall in love with this guy, or am i just caught up in obsession and am seriously deceiving myself and my emotions? and i know if i ask you what i should do? you'll just reply, you should tell him how you feel. But so many things hold me back from doing that. thank you for your time. I really appreciate it.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Date best friend
Strong relationships are built on even even stronger friendships.
I truly know where you're coming from.
My bestfriend and I have been friends for going on 6 years.
At first, I was getting to know him because I liked him. We were completely opposit of each other, but I figured, what the hell. Then, somehow we just became very good friends.
We've watched each other go thourgh crappy relationships
and we joke about if we're not married by 35, we'll marry each other.
Over the 6 years, my inital feelings for him have grown
and, like you, I seriously dobt he even knows, because I'm really good at hiding emotions that I don't want to be seen.
My advice? Try joking about it. If he's going through
a rough time in a relationship it would a)Be a good way to at least get him to smile and b) get the idea in his head.
Once the seed is planted, it may take a minute to grow, but it'll still be there.
As of recent, my boyfriend of 2 years and I split up.
I went crying to my bestfriend, as usual, and he was the one to bring up dating each other.
We haven't really acted on it, and I think that's more my fault because we are so close, but we are definitely thinking about it. :)
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer