A Crush on a Married Woman
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am 23 years old and have never had a real girlfriend, i have had girlfriends in school but I never really had any feelings for them so instead of wasting my time and my "girlfriends" time I would end the relationship in a few weeks. However in school I was madly in love with this girl but she never felt the same way about me and it took me a really long time to get over that.I am not the type of guy to just date anybody, I need to know and like that person first.I fall in love very quickly and always end up getting hurt and I haven't had any girlfriend in the past 5 years, I haven't even kissed a girl in past 5 years. One year ago I became very close to a married woman 6 years older than me. I fell in love with her and I thought that she felt the same way about me. I knew it was wrong but I coudn't control my feelings and now she only wants me as a friend.She is in my social circle and my problem is that I can't seem to forget about her. I really do love her and will do anything for her. I literally can't stop thinking about her and I don't know what to do.We haven't been physical in any way. I don't even wanna look at other women, they don't interest me. Please help.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Go for true love
I am not sure how old this page is, I will write my comments on it. I am a married woman as well. My husband and I have had three lovely children together. What I never realized what the inside clues in the beginning of my relationship that my spouce and I are not really in-love! My spouce and I got married a little over 5 years ago. We have been unhappy those five years. Struggling to make each other happy. We are always fighting like crazy. It is not healthy for our children that they see mommy and daddy battle it out every day. Three years ago I started what I call a beginning stage of a crush on another guy. This guy is like 6 years and some months younger than me. This guy happens to be my spouces best friend. Two years ago this guy came over to our home almost every day for like a good year and a half. Then reccently I went over to my spouces best friends house and picked him up in the van. We drove to the store together and back to his house. During that ride I had told him I had feelings for him. I couldnt hold it inside anymore. I am very honest and would not sleep with another man, nor would I kiss another man. To me it is just wrong. It was probably wrong I told another man I had feelings for him. Three months later, the feelings just keep getting deeper and fuller. My spouce now knows because his best friend told him my feelings. Things have not been the same since.
I will tell you one thing, I have never cheated on a guy in my life. I know this much, if this woman you are seeing has feelings for you too and she is married. If she truely cares about the relationship, she will wait until she is divorced and the whole nine yards. It does not mean she is going to go off and do the same thing again. It all depends on the woman of course.
My situation is I was blind in my current situation. We should never have tied the knott. I was so blind and stupid back then I couldnt see. I wasnt even feeling love. I was blind and pregnant. The guy I am in love with is really the feeling of love. I feel in all up inside me. It is an unexplainable feeling. Its a feeling that is not to its disposal. Love if it is real cannot counter act. I believe in true love. Some people find that true someone even if they already are married. I know it is wrong to think divorce. But sometimes that person you are married to is not the right one and you do not realize it until it is too late. If you find true love while you are married I would go for it.
Hope this helps
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
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