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He's Married and not sure if he wants to be with his wife



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
He is married but he's not sure if he wants to stay with his wife, he would rather talk to me and spend time with me than his wife, they have no sex life and he thinks things are not ganna work out with them. I know he is not lieing to me about this. My question is, i know he likes me and has feelings for me, he is a very honist person as am I, should i just wait and see what this becomes or should I back out now? I admit i do have feelings for him as well, we didnt plan this it just happend. We started out as friends and it grew to intamacy.




User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Have no part of it


So he has you convinced that "they have no sex life and he thinks things are not ganna work out with them."

By the way, my much older colleague is doing the same thing, cheating on his wife. He said to me;

"Oh, we *all* say that - And we lie!" He laughed as he said it.

The hilarious thing is that the joke's on him - his wife is three months pregnant. Isn't that humorous? His lover thinks he's not sleeping with his wife! His wife is faithful to him and thinks he is working late to build up the baby's college fund. What a laugh, you have to admit.

It might be easier for you to leave this romantic dream, if you picture your lover talking in the corridors to his pals, saying exactly that. With a mischievous grin on his face. Because an honest man has to tell someone the truth about his life. Just as a 4-year-old can steal sweeties, but will cry a week later to a sympathetic nanny because he feels wrong about it. It makes him feel better, because he's going to be found out anyway. He might as well confide in someone who likes him.

Every woman throws up out of shock when the truth hits home. Be glad you don't live together.

Married men can be very romantic. Of course he's not lying about how he enjoys being intimate with a second woman. That is the honest truth - why else would he bother risking his marriage? He enjoys being with you. He's not lying to you.

At least you are the only other woman he's ever had while he was married. How can we all tell? The woman who knows him best and longest can't tell. And you don't know either. You trust him.

I don't know what your trust has to do with the truth? His honesty doesn't have anything to do with truth either. So? You are only seeing him because he's the most truthful man you know? What is he, an ex-president or something?
If you could go back in time, you'd vote for him?

What do you think he tells his wife about your time together? Honestly?

How would that bedtime conversation go? Should he really be spelling out to her exactly what you are like to spend time with? Is he cruel, vicious, or a little dense, to be quite so honest with her?

Maybe he needs to be told that it would be less hurtful to lie to her?

You are honest with him. I believe you are. Why shouldn't I? But why would you enjoy being with him?

So think. One of you has to. He spends time with you. I don't believe for a second that you don't also have sex.
What's a piece of paper, anyway?

Do you have any pieces of paper worth talking about?
Haven't you passed any exams? Were you born in your country, and can you prove it? Do you have citizenship?
Do you have a driver's licence? What's a piece of paper, anyway? Did you know that it is possible to fake these things?

What if someone stole your passport or credit card and couldn't (honestly) see why you shouldn't go on sharing them? The important thing here is that that the person who shares your piece of paper - the paper you earned - is someone you have never met, and have no reason to like, and they never once asked you for permission to borrow it to do their own thing. So long as you get it back at the end of the week, is that how generous you are?

So, you think you don't like his wife, and you haven't asked her how she honestly feels about this? I bet you would have a lot in common. You might wind up liking her a lot more than him.

There is no truth, hon. There's the huge truth about his marriage. There's the minor truth about his messing around on the side. There's the lifelong truth about his guilt, and that's his. Have no part of it. There's no single truth here that bears imagining. When you marry the man you love, and he cheats on you, you will know how little it matters.
Stick around for this bozo and you will always doubt yourself and feel second-rate.

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