He Ignores Me Sexually - and Uses Porn Instead
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am in desperate for advice. My boyfriend (26) and I (24)have been dating for close to a year now and after the first few months we our sex life has gone down hill. I know that he didn't have the best childhood and was basically left to be brought up by his grandmother whom he was really close to. Sadly she past on about a month ago but even before that we hadn't had sex for a month or so and are now going on a 3 month mark.
i will admit we have had a rocky relationship since the start and i keep telling myself it's partly due to his rough past but still... Anyhow when i approach him on this he tells me it's because i'm "nasty" as in not nice. i'm not perfect but i think i do my best as a girlfriend and i hate that he looks at porn and "takes care of business". He is affectionate and likes to cuddle though and i'm 99.9% confident that he is faithful.
he denies it but i know for a fact that he looks at porn OFTEN. please help, i do care for him but can't be in a sexless relationship. as well i've noticed that he rarely gets naked in front of me and changes in the other room and says that is just how he is.
is it me or him? what can i do to make him more intrested in having sex with me and not porn? we are both young and attractive and i want and need him to want me. i am just tired of his reasoning of i'm nasty or he isn't comfortable with having sex with me yet (since our last major fight on valentines day)i'm starting to feel as if i need to earn points that are rewarded by sex. we spend almost everyday together and have talked about moving in together but i am so lost.
i don't want to end this relationship but i need to have sex and feel wanted by my boyfriend. when we do have sex he seems to enjoy it and is effectionate afterwards and in a pleasant mood. i just don't understand b/c he told me that he has been with 60+ women in his lifetime but they were mainly all just for sex and i am his 2nd major relationship. please, please help me. it's a bit more complicated but that is the short version. thanks!
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
hey, have you ever thought that maybe he just isn't ready or he doesn't want to do it at all for a while. i mean everything isn't about sex. you can actually learn some true problems or facts about him maybe if you try to talk about something else with him. you said most of his girlfriends were all about sex so maybe thats why he dumped them. duh. maybe he just wants a girl that is serious about the relationship and not just all for sex. try to see what he wants. who knows maybe he's watching porn so he will want to have sex with. so maybe he's doing it for you.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer