She's Dating Me, She's Fond of Her Ex
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I have been dating this girl for the last 3 months, when we met she was still in love with her ex of 6 years, now she is madly in love with me as she tells me, she tells me her ex and her are good friends, and that they talk or email 3-4 times a week.
I asked her if she had told him about me and she said I had never come. Two weeks ago after a lot of prodding about a suspision I had, she told me that she was going to his house to record cd's, I was upset and left. We got together again and she said she missed me and wanted back, we got back and tell each other we love each other alot!
I never brought the ex question back, last night looking at her email, I read where he was saying to her that he was not ready for a love relationship and that he would just be her friend "for now" Her cell phone email went off at 6am three mornings ago, I asked who it may be and she said "just a friend of mine" I have a feeling it was him. On her emails that I read, she signs with Love and her name.
I know they are still in communication! But I have not askes since we just got back together. She tells me she loves me 10 times a day.
What do I do? My gut tells me there is more than just a friendly relationship with him, she left him 5 months ago because he would not commit to her, the more I back away from her the more she misses me, HELP! do I bring up the question? do I just play it out? is it right for her to go to his house? why does he not know about me in all these conversations??
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
I totally agree. It's so strange that this mirrors a situation I was in with this girl. She had an ex-boyfriend that she was still "friends" with, they spoke often, she would tell me "I just can't cut someone who's been a part of my life for 4 years." But I suspected there was more there. Her parents came from Romania to visit, she wanted me to meet them but I wasn't able to, so some how the ex-boyfriend shows up, bringing gifts and charming them. I thought that was kind of rotten to introduce the "good friend" before me. I than was told by my cousin who was there, that she voluntarily sat on his lap. My blood went cold. I couldn't sleep that night, I didn't answer any of her calls or messages the next day. I confronted her with the information and she avoided there being anything else besides friendship with him. Her defensiveness caused me to break up with her. I don't want that to happen to me again, I just want a woman to be honest with me.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer