My jealousy is killing my marriage.
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My wife and I have been married for 5 years and we have a 3 year old son. She is a wonderful woman and has never cheated on me. I am a little over protective (over everything) but I never had any insecurity problems until a year ago. I found an e-mail from my wife to a co-worker telling him that she could not wait to see him again, kiss him and hold him in his arms. She also said that it was hard to try to make it too obvious that she was always thinking of him. I confronted both of them. First my wife and she said that it was just a game. Nothing serious. She just wanted to teach this guy a lesson because he thought he was so cool. He said the same thing, just a stupid game and that he had never disrespected my wife nor me. Now I am always insecure, jealous and upset. I don't think she is cheating on me, but it bothers me that she gets attention from other guys (she is beautiful). Now, I get upset if she wants to go out, or go dancing (she has never gone out or dancing with friends before)I feel not important and she says that she needs to go out and have fun once in a while. She says I am controlling and that she does not think she loves me anymore (like she used to). I want to know if I am over reacting or what. I don't want our marriage to end. I know she is not doing anything bad. She goes out with other female friends that I know for a long time (almost like sisters to me)but I still get jealous. I am working on it. What can I do to better things with my wife. I love her very much and I don't want to loose her.
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
She needs to eart trust
I think it is up to your wife to make you feel secure again.
What she did was wrong and hurt it you, game or no game. In her situation if I really felt bad and did not want you to distrust me leave me, I would do whatever I could to make it up to you.
I would tell you i regretted my action. That I love you and have not intention of leaving you. Is that not what you want to hear?
You can not control her, but is it really too much to ask that she make you feel secure again? No one wants to be distrusted and controlled...
Therefore to earn back your trust, she should include you in her plans, or call you frequently to remind you she is thinking of you until things stabilize.
Maybe she can included you in group emails when she plans things so that you can see these plans really include her girlfriends. I think if you love someone and understand how extremely painful jealousy is, that it is a necessary kindness to get them back on firm ground.
I would never let my significant other feel like this, I have been on the receiving end and it is very destructive emotion.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer