I am jealous of my partners past
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been going out with my boyfriend for 18 months now. When i first met him, he had just split up with his ex, they had a house together around the corner from where i live and they were in the process of selling it, he had been with her since he was 14yrs old and she is the only other girl he has ever had apart from me,i know that i should feel good about this, but it makes me feel like he will compare us in everyway, which he says that he doesnt and i do believe him but i cant stop thinking that. They did everything, got a house, got engaged, went on holidays etc.. at the start of our relationship it didnt bother me, but when i started to get feelings for him i became jealous of his past and his ex, i think that he had a better past than i did and alot more happy times and i am jealous of this and i feel like i am getting sloppy seconds as when we get a house it will be my first time and his second, and i wanted it to be his first time aswell, its like he has been round the block and im experiencing everything for the first time and he has done it all before so its not as special to him as it is to me,so he is not as excited about things as i am. This has made me become obssessed with his ex, and ive had to find everything out about her and i feel like a psycho, ive tried talking to him about it but he just says that i need to forget the past, i know this, i know all the things that i should be doing and shouldnt be doing, but i just cant get these horrible thoughts out of my head about him and his ex and its driving me insain.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
appearance doesn't matter
I know EXACTLYn how you feel - I have much of the same situation. He is 8 years older than me and lived with his ex (who looks NOTHING like me...more on that later...) in an apartment in the city before we got together. They were broken up for about 2 years before we met, but I can't help but fear sometimes that I am the one he is "settling down" with and she was the wild, fun, beautiful one he truly loved. She had big boobs, black hair and was short. I am tall, blond and average chest. How can he find me attractive and her too???? He has to prefer one or the other! Sorry, I'm not really giving you advice but rather I'm venting. GUess I just wanted you to know that someone else out there feels the same way. Good luck. Gotta figure there is a reason they're not together, right? At least that is what people tell me....
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer