I'm jealous of my fiance's ex's all of a sudden, and I can't seem to stop imagining it.
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Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi I know there was an article somewhere that covered half of my problem, but theres more to it than just "im jealous of his ex's" .. My man is in the army, anyone I've ever been with who was in the military has hurt me in some form or another, and I vowed I'd NEVER be with anyone in the (US) Military again because I figured they were all just a bunch of horny jerks! Well...than I stumble apon the guy I am with now..And I knew he was in the military when I met him because I was introduced to him by a friend. So I said to myself, "Okay I'll just be friends with him" After talking with him for a few days..but I started getting these feelings over a few weeks of knowning him that just made me want him more and more! He was so gentle and sweet and he looked out for me and I could go to him for anything! Than one day we were having lunch at a resturaunt and that dreaded conversation sparks up about "feelings" and "what are we with eachother" and he said he really wanted me to be his girlfriend! SO after considering for a while I agreed. Time went on we both kept realizing in time how well we are together and how much we connect on such a beautiful level...and on new years 2006 he proposed...I said yes...and as time went on I started thinking about Ex's and how glad I am for having gone through all of that just to find him in the end...And then I started thinking about his ex's....Now there arent very many of them which really surprised me to begin with but theres a few and I can't stop thinking and getting jealous over his past relationships and how they got to be with him and experience him when I just want him all to myself (romanticly speaking) !!! I know it probably sounds stupid, but I am young and can't think of all the answeres myself...I really want to get over it..We've talked a few times about it..I end up getting a little emotional, he tells me he wishes it didn't hurt me this much (And It shouldnt because its not like it's all that big a deal!) and that he doesn't even think about his past relationships and all he can focus on is our relationship presently and in the future...And I want to just block the past out of my mind, grow up and get over it! Any advice? (sorry its so long but I am really bad at summerizing and trying to make sense at the same time!)
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Female
What if your boyfriend is not willing to say you are the only one? That he "should not have to reassure you" and that is "your" problem. I don't think it is so hard just say, don't worry, you are the one and I don't have an interest in this other person.
Why would he decline to do that?
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer