The one I love...or the one who loves me back?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
I have two best friends who are both really nice guys. "Bob" I have known since the first grade and "Bill" I have known since the second grade. Last year in April, Bill told me he loved me and that he wanted to be more than friends. I had a crush on him back then so he and I were kind of like boyfriend and girlfriend. We'd hold hands around school, sit next to each other at lunch, whisper "I love you" to each other, etc. We shared more of a secret relationship-the way we both wanted it to be. Then in the fall of the same year (only about 5 months after he said he wanted to be more than friends), he told me he wanted us to go back to just being friends. I was shocked because he had been just as loyal, kind, and romantic lately, and had not changed in anyway. He said that since we had a slew of new girl students at our school, he needed to keep his options open and that he had his eyes on other girls. So then we were friends again, although I was hurt. Bob on the other hand, was still as friendly as ever because he still had no idea what had been goin on for the past five months. Long story short, for the next 4 months he kept going on and off between me, "Lola", "Sarah", and "Lucy". As hard as I tried not to love him, I did and I couldn't get him out of my mind. It also didn't help that not only did we have all of our classes at school together, but we went to Cotillion together. We'd get all dressed up and he'd ask me to dance or dance with other girls and say that I was jealous of him doing so, and that was the only reason he danced with them. He kept going on and off until the end of February, when he said that he was sorry for being such a jerk and that now he genuinely loved me and no one else. Me, being a stupid idiot, believed him. Before we left for spring break, he was just going a bit too fast for me. He'd drop something under the table to kiss my hand, he'd put his arms around me and tell me that he loved me more than life, and once he asked if he could just make out with me. After that last incident, I hid in the girls bathroom until he left the door so I could make a quick escape back to my classroom (I'd gone to the bathroom to wash some paintbrushes, and he'd followed me in the halls and asked me). Over spring break, I really tried hard to get over him, and it almost worked. When I came back though, all of my feelings came with me. He said he still loved me, and I just said "Some things never do change I guess..." and he didn't understand that by some things I meant him, but I was one of the other things that do change. My brain didn't love him anymore-the only problem was that the little part that controls my emotions in my brain couldn't stop thinking about him. He then went back to liking Lola and then this huge nuclear drama bomb exploded. Lola is a good friend of mine, and she told me that she didn't like him and never had-as did all the other girls he liked. She asked me to help her tell him that she didn't like him, so I agreed. Bob, a good friend of Bill's, also agreed to help, and so he did. In the end, Lola told Bill that she didn't like him. After that, Bob thought I had been mean to help Lola tell Bill, because he asked me how I would feel if the one I loved told me they didn't like me. Lola thought I was too harsh, and I reminded her that she was the one who said it. Bill though, said not only would he never like me again, but that I wasn't his friend anymore. After that week, everything was back to normal though. Bill wanted me back (Stupid me took him again), Bob was my friend, and Lola was actually really happy that I had helped her. Then one day, I just stopped liking Bill. I still liked him as a friend, but not the way he liked me back. I was talking to my two friends (who were best friends with Bob) "Ben" and "Chris". I was talking to them and they were checking their email when I came up to talk to them and then Ben got an e-mail from the girl he liked, "Emily". He was happy, and then Chris blurted, "Almost as happy as Bob was when he found out that "Katherine" didn't like-" (I'll refer to myself as "Katherine") Then he stopped as if he had jsut remembered I was here. Then I asked him who Bob liked. He and Ben both said in unison, "Do you want us to break it to you first, and then explain, or explain then break it to you?" I told them to "break it to me, then explain." They told me that Bob liked me!!! I had had a crush on Bob for a long time, but when I asked Bill who he liked (when Bill and I were just friends) he said that Bob had never been interested in that sort of thing. I asked Ben and Chris how long Bob had liked me and they said for a really long time. Boy, was Bill gonna get it now. But now, I don't known how to break it to Bill that I don't like him anymore and I also don't know whether to tell Bob that I like him. When Ben and Chris did their explaining, they said that Bob wasn't sure if he liked me when he told them, and that he'd think about it over spring break. Also, part of me still likes Bill even though he isn't as kind or sweet as Bob. I don't want to like Bill anymore! I want to like Bob!!!
-Wants to Love Bob
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
Search your feelings
Well, I don't know about the first guy, that was ghetto what he did to you, not good. Maybe, make sure that "love" is more than a word, and it isn't just "I know you and you're a guy and you say you love me so "I love you too!"" You can definetely solve this by searching your feelings...Good Luck!
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