We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
I have never felt this jealous with anyone else before. Other guys used to tell me things to try to make me jealous and sometimes I would react and sometimes I refused to give them the satisfaction of a reaction. So, I know I have control over my feelings. I just don't in this relationship now though. We are engaged to be married in less than three months, and I am still grilling him on ex's to find out how much he was in love with them so I know he won't be married to me and be thinking about them or realizing feelings for someone else. I am like a detective about everything, trying to catch him in a lie. He has lied to me in the beginning of us, but only about whether he had a few drinks or not. When we go somewhere, I have looked at him when a girl is standing in front of us, like at a check out...and I have seen him looking at her breasts...he doesn't look long, and then he stares at the floor (which he says is so he doesn't get accused of anything)...I say, so it's either stare at her breasts, or it's stare at the floor....and then he tries to deny he was looking there. Then, after more grilling, I said to him, I saw you with my own two eyes...stop denying it...why do you look there? He says, he can't help but notice...I said, oh that's nice, you can't help but notice...I said, if that's what you want then, go for it...what are you doing with me??? I think about this all day while I'm at work, about him looking at a woman's boobs....and I think, if he looks when he's with me, what's he doing when I'm not there??? this is just so upsetting to me. I almost don't even want to see him at the end of the work day, because I have been dwelling on this the whole day, and want to bring it up and stew over it again and again....I love him so much though...he is so good to me, and is good with reassuring me...but the images won't leave my mind about this stuff. I have tried my best to fight the jealousy by writing on a piece of paper over and over...he loves me and I deserve to be happy...I love him, and I want to show him I do. I have put up a wall between us with this jealousy...I can't relax and enjoy going places...I am on edge when we do and feeling all defensive...I just hate it...and feel like crying over it a lot. I have been told by many people how attractive and beautiful I am, but then Halle Berry is too and she was cheated on. I know this is long, sorry...the questions are...what is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Does him looking at a woman's boobs mean he will end up cheating on me? Isn't that a form of cheating...looking? How can I get over this? I have been reading tons of self-help things for a few months now...but I feel trapped in a jealous rage a lot of times.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Well I dont have advice for you but I do want to let you know that you are not alone. I am the exact same way, if not worse. I get upset if there are pretty girls on t.v. and my boyfriend is watching, I constantly question him about how he is feeling and if he would like to have sex with these girls on t.v. I have even been so bad as to feel him down there to see if he is sexually aroused by what he is seeing. But not just on t.v. magazines, girls in public. Its a burning jealousy that drives me insane! I have broken up with him because things besides that werent working but I dont want to get into a relationship now until I can work on this problem. Sometimes I get scared that it will never go away and I will either be alone forever or miserably obsessively jealous with some guy who will put up with it. So now you see that it could be worse. But counseling is a good idea. Even though I have been in counseling for 10 years now and have only gotten worse in my mind. But I think I havent found the right one yet and when I do, I will succeed.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer