Turning friends into girlfriends

We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hi there, I'm 21 years and I really could use some advice in what concerns the "how to turn a buddy into a girlfriend" cathegory. Tough one, I know. So here's the story in short.

We're kind of best friends, we've always got along perfectly, but the thing is I've always like her more than a friend. And I never got to let her know because every single time one of us was not involved with someone else, the other one was. She'd always been sending me all these positive signals though that she'd someday want something more than just friendship (e.g. always asking me about my girlfriends, becoming kind of upset and in a bad mood whenever I'd tell her I was involved with someone else). And this went on for about... uhm... 2 years:) Up until a few days ago. When I sent her phone messages telling her how I felt. So after a few days of no word from her, she invites me to a cup of coffee and tells me she was really taken by a big surprise when finding out and that she had never seen me as more than a friend. Still, I did feel some uncertainty in her, mostly because she didn't expect this turn of events (or at least I think so). She did say she never wanted more than friends on one hand, but on the other something like "if it's gonna be something between us than be it" or "we'll talk".

So to wrap up, am I fighting windmills here? I really don't want to give this up so easily. Should I leave her alone for a while to think it over and hope things will improve for me or should I continue telling her how I feel until (maybe) something changes? Any advice please? I'll be really grateful if you help me out with this one.

User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Male
Look in eye

I have to disagree with Greg here. After she knows you want to move the friendship up a nock, you can still turn things around but don't make a sudden move. She needs time to think about it and you need to slowly change her mind.

So my advice is to go out with other women for a while, and see if you still want her. Try to move on, and if you can't easily,than ask her what was wronge with you. It's most likely your friendship she wants to save, and rushing ends the chance of going back to friends.

And please, no phone messages! You have a better chance if she has to look you in the eye.

Hope I helped! -Will

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