Helping Finding a Guy
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I'm 21 and I have never dated before. I know this isn't a big deal because I have many years ahead of me, but most of my friends have dated or are dating now. 2 of my friends are engaged. I know that God wants me to focus on my career right now (me being in college and soon to graduate). I want to teach little kids and I've heard the first 2 years of teaching are very difficult and lots of work so I totally understand that it may not be the right time for me to date or be in the serious relationship that I wish I could be in. However, I go to an all girls college and I don't ever see guys my age. I haven't ever had any guy friends either really. I've lived at college up until this year-now I live at home for various reasons. It's hard for me to meet guys my age. I'm not into the club or bar scene and last semester I student taught and spent all of my time on that.
I did go out with a good friend of mine for dinner some weekends and to my town fair, but other than that I don't go out too much. I am Hindu (Indian religion), but I am willing to date outside my religion as long as the guy respects my Hindu faith. However, it would be nice to date someone my religion. I have recently started weight lifting (doing an exercise video) and have considered a gym membership in hopes of possibly finding a guy, but I know that isn't totally something I would do because I know if I get a gym membership I won't use it as much since I have a busy second semester of school. I know it will be hard to find a guy teaching (which is what I want to do when I graduate) because there aren't too many male teachers at the elementary level. At my religious place of worship there aren't too many guys.
There was one guy that is a family friend of my family. We talked for a lot 2 summers ago on instant messanger and also sometimes in person when our families got together. A few friends of mine thought he liked me, but a few months after school started he stopped coming on instant messanger and he hardly wrote me. I also found out by eventually asking him that he didn't want to date right now. My old roommate for sure thought he liked me because it seemed like he was flirting on computer with me and the summer before last school year he would always write me as soon as he came online. I also went to see him at his college one time and we had a nice time as friends and on IM he's even told me a few things about himself that he didn't want me to tell anyone about.
I haven't talk to him in awhile now(almost 6 months) and I'm fine with that for the most part, but what I really would like is to be friends with him. I don't want to do all the first moves(writing him first when he is on-which is hardly ever even during our Christmas break). I know that if this does not work I will accept it because I have realized he's not the one. I just want to know how to find a guy because I know that people always tell me that I have time to find a guy and when I least expect it I will find one. 3 summer I thought I found a guy but it turned out after he found out I was younger than him he didn't want to date me. I've never dated before and seeing and hearing friends date and get engaged often makes me sad, but again for the most part I'm fine with it.
Again, what I really want to know is how to find a decent guy especially when I don't see guys at all that are my age at school or where I work (I will be substituting in the elementary schools). Also, none of my friends would ever set me up with guys. I've tried but none of my friends boyfriends or guy friends know guys that are anything like the guys I would consider dating. I don't really have a high standard, but my friends aren't the type who would set me up with someone either. Anyway, please help me to find ways that I can meet guys my age. Thanks a lot!
User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
Don't sweat it too much. Do your friends and their boyfriends/fiances go to parties? If they do, ask to come along. You might want to work extra hard to make sure you have no homework or studying or anything like that to do on friday and saturday nights so that you've got a little free time. School is important, so I'm not saying don't do your homework, just try and maybe read over your notes real quick while you eat, or work on homework in even the smallest amounts of time between classes. School is important, but one of the important things about college is having a social life. Try and find other people who go to parties and ask to come along. Be careful though. If you don't want to drink, then don't. Also, guys will probably hit on you that are drunk. Make sure you remember your goals and what you want in a guy.
I hope I've been a little help at least. I'm afraid I don't know what college is like, as I'm a freshman in highschool, nor do I know what an all girls school is like. The college stuff I know is mostly from my brother. He'd be one of the drunk guys hitting on you. Well, best of luck, and if you don't meet someone now, at least it should be easier on you after you graduate!!!
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer