She Lies to Me - Should I Marry Her?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
It is four months until our wedding and I have suddenly lost all trust and faith in her. My fiance is a senior at college, and I graduated last summer. Over the weekend I went to meet up with family members, she declined stating her sister was flying in to see her. However a couple weeks the plans apparently changed with her sisters visit; however she still did not want to go with me.
I couldn't get ahold of her the night before my flight out. The next day on a layover she said she was up all night working in the lab on homework. I thought nothing of it, since she has said that often.
When I fly back into town she told me that she needed to talk. She stated that she wants to search for a job in different locations otherthan where we planned to reside. Next she said that she had driven 150 miles on the night she told me she had been in the lab to see one of her serious ex-boyfriends and spent the night with him before he flew out on an Army mission. She swears that they didn't have sex, but in the past when we started dating she had cheated on me with him. Nonetheless I feel like I was cheated on emotionally.
I don't think I can ever trust her again. I am in love with her and see myself having a life with her. Our history is so strong together and it feels as though we were meant to be. Is she having questions about the marriage or just punishing me for not including her more in the trip? But what do I do? Should I call the wedding off until I feel like I can trust her again? Just talk out the issues and go on with the wedding? Call it quits all together?
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
Mate - when a woman goes to see her ex - someone whos shes cheated with in the past - and doesnt tell you openly then theres something very fishy going on. If she cheated then why havent you set the ground rules? She lost the right to be 'just friends' with him at that point, and you should have insisted she cut him from her life completely.
If you did this - and she still went to see him - then walk. As painful as it is - just finish it. She cant be trusted, and is treating you with NO respect. She'll likely run off with him anyway a couple of years into marriage, taking half of your belongings when she goes.
Basically - shes not acting like a woman about to be married. Do you want to legally tie yourself to someone who plays manipulative mind games and doesnt know what she wants? Four months from the big day - and shes still thinking about her ex....
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer