double standard and snooping
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Male
I love my girlfriend with all of my heart, but sometimes my love is just clouded by my anger for the other guys that she talks to.
Recently things have been going so well. We use to get into fights very often, but we got over that together and now we're closer than ever. Our plan was to tell eachother when we were angry, instead of keeping it inside, and it's been working so well.
However, there's just one topic that i don't want to talk to her about. We've talked about it once but it hasn't really been solved.
I talk to other girls, I have many friends that are girls, even some best friends. But honestly, I don't love them like how i love my girlfriend. I just love them for being my friends, i'll also admit that it's easier to talk to girls than to boys. And i've explained this to my girlfriend, but she doesn't feel comfortable about the thought.
And even though I wish she could be comfortable with it, I can understand why she isnt. Because I'm not comfortable with her talking to other guys either. I really wish i could be.
Now there's this one guy, that emails her almost as much as i do, and she emails him back. And i feel really guilty about this part... i do read sum of the emails. Yes, very disloyal, but it was just too tempting. But the way he talks to her is soo wrong. He even asked her to prom once. He calls her by her short form name, and he tries to get her to call him. And my imagination is making me assume a whole bunch of different things, like what she emails him about. I've heard guys speak like him before, and they're intentions weren't too nice. It's getting me really angry.
I can't say anything to her, because i have friends that are girls too. Even though, i made her add all my friends that are girls to her MSN list, she still feels uncomfortable. Im not a player, but i don't email other girls everyday, or as much as i email her anyways. She keeps all of the emails from him. What am i suppost to think? And yes, i'll admit i feel very insecure.
All i want to do is love her, but I can't when she's so close to this guy. No one in my life is as important to me as she is, but i don't think that feeling is mutual between us. I mean, she keeps the emails from him. She keeps insisting that they are "bestfriends" also. Just like me and my best friends. But, i don't know. It's really breakin me to pieces. I don't know what to do. Please help me.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
I too have the same problem...but I am female. My (soon to be) husband is very successful. He is a broker of a Real Estate business - and - I even work in the office as his secretary. We have a great relationship...it's not him. It's me..as hard as that is for me to accept. I am so jealous. He goes to meetings away from home - here's the kicker...he calls me all the time. But, he has this friend "a best friend" who is a woman. I've gone to some of his meetings but not all of them. We've met - and she is just not plesant? She is not rude nor hateful but I cannot believe they are that close? She does not attempt to befriend me. I start thinking all these thoughts I have NO CONTROL over and it drives me crazy. They e-mail, he told me until we met it was almost daily, I didn't ask how often now as I didn't want to know. I literally get sick to my stomach thinking about it. I know this man loves me and NEVER does he 'act' single and always includes me. What is wrong with me? I'm glad you have a similar situation because I felt alone and ashamed to have such resentful feelings. He just left this morning..and I again, ruin our last day together just being bitchy because I'm afraid he'll have a great time with HER. When I was working at his desk on our Co. newletter I noticed he has an e-mail forder for her, too - right below mine and once again I'm left feeling nausiated and pissed off. He tells me they are only friends, good friends at that. He has two best friends and they are both friends, the other one who we see more often I have no problem with, and never did. On meetings I've attended with him his 'friend' calls other guys 'honey' and 'sweetie' and I get so angry I see red! I want to hit her and hurt her, I cannot even act like myself around her...I get quiet and I know my facial expression is hidious. I am not that kind of person...I am a pretty girl, I am smart and have so much to offer. This other woman is taller, probably smarter and they are in the same business - and attend the meetings. I know it's because I'm insecure but I cannot find any Answers to Questions that seem to hit on this 'insecurity' as the root of all the evil. How do I stop the insanity? He won't be back until Thursday evening - he took his Golf Clubs, we're usually buddys and his swim suit. Last night as he was packing I made the rude comment "what...a hot tub bubbling?" He said, "yeah, I use my own so much" (ahh...we never do..) but jes...it's also like 110 degrees out side... The rational part of my mind says that - but the underlying issue (I'm afraid she'll try to kiss him) does not go away. He thinks I don't trust him, I think I do..I KNOW I don't trust her... She wants my man and I want to fight her over it. I am not a violent person, as a matter of fact I weigh 110lbs. soaking wet and probably wouldn't win anyhow..lol.. I have to laugh at my self because I know it's foolish but, as I said before...I have that underlying issue. If you get an answer - which, you didn't...I would love to know what steps it would take to overcome this nonsence.
Sincere In Show-Me
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer