Our Long Distance Turned into a Break
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
My situation is quite confusing. My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years now. She attends a different university, which is a good distance away from me. We would see each other we could. We have been very devoted to eachother.
However, this school year, she wanted to take a "break". She felt that our relationship can't stay as intense due to the increasing school work plus the distance factor. Her supposed goal was to find out if she truly loved me, because I am her first boyfriend. I thought if thats what she needs to do, I suppose it alright. I also thought I can't really stop her from taking a "break".
Over this winter break we hung out together and went out on dates. It was a good time. Everything seemed fine, however we didn't get involved physically with eachother due to our parents' shadow. We had some miscommunication about when we should make our "moves". We kinda ended up separating on bitter terms we went back to school. I told her "I wasn't happy with our relationship" and that we need to do something about it. Since we were already kind of on a "break", we kinda broke off, however I still have really strong feelings for her.
Now, she is living in Philadelphia, which is even further away. Also now, we are hardly talking. I use to write her letters regularly but I never get a response. I would send emails but again no reponse. She doesn't IM either.
My dilema is that I love her, and I do want to marry her. I believe I mentioned once over a phone conversation during the "break" period that I had feelings of marriage. I'm wondering if she might be scared to commit and is running away. We well be seeing eachother face-to-face in a few more months. I'm just hoping for advice you might be able to give me.
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
Be the man
I am going through the same thing right now...she thought I would never propose after 18 months long distance, but I was going to next month. We hadn't been able to make enough time for each other on our infrequent visits and now she says she has fallen out of love, has met someone new, and needs time to think. It has only been 2 weeks since this bomb and I'm hurting because she wont let me talk it out with her. her new friends where she is want her to stay, and her family wants her closer to them, so I dont think I'm getting a fair shot from everyone else in her ear.
My advice is to just call her and be the man she needs...if she needs more space come surprise her soon after with a big declaration. At least that is what I want to do.
Sorry, but I want you to know you are not alone, and I'll be watching this column too.
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