is this break just a bluff that he already gave up on?
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi George. yea this is c* for the third time... ahhaha im soo embarrassed, you are prolly thinking geez why doesn't she just dump him... well i can't... my problem this time is that, he wanted time to think over our relationship. we've been together for almost two years <2 years in december> and lately hes been less affectionate, and just weird.... hes told me that he doesn't know if he loves me, he doesn't want a gf. then after, he told me that lets just forget it and ill deal with that feeling. then after that hes just been "there" and i tried to forget, but something in me told me, wow i can't go on like this... i need to know... so i called a break with him. he got pist telling me that breaks are stupid and we might as well break up because our relationship is so stupid and gay and annoying when it comes to drama. so i said is that what you want to do? he said yea so i said, ok, then he said fine lets take a break? okay,- i todl him that this break is for both of us to make things better. and that many couples have gotten better through breaks, he didn't liosten... he jus seems like he already is facing this with a negative pessimistic feeling. so i tried to explain, that i want to make things better, then i remember him telling me few days before that taking a break will only let him get farther away from me... so im worring because what if this break makes him get farther away him me... i mean i told him i need time to think, and im confused and shaky about our relationship like he is, but why am i worrying after calling this break.
he said that he understands and that well both hang out with our friends and find out if we like being single or want a bf or gf. so i said having a gf doesn't mean you can't have friends, but im not sure what he meant by that... omg , im scared... so do i talk to him at school? how do i act???
is it possible for a guy whos been no affectionate towards me , and thinks our relationship has gone old, aand isn't sure if he loves me or not, to think,,, and realize our value , and love me again, and come back?? or is this break just a bluff that he already gave up on? im so sorry to e-mail you so often,,, i mean try to think that this was you, ... then please tell me your honest oppinion..... all of my friends whos beein going out with her bfs and had troubles,,, took breaks too and they said that it always worked out... but i dunno that because i dunnno if theirs was like mine, who lost it.... so please reply asap!!! thank you George!
-17 year old c* hoos going out with an almost 18 year old guy--
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female
Not all peaches and cream
i am 21(female) and am with a 22 yr old and we just amrked our 3 year annavisary and well we have been through so much Bull its painful. i have been with chris, and people think i am insane for still being with him. i had and abortion, i have gone insanely jealous-violent-depressed. i lost 80 percnt of my friends and am so tied into our relationship i have lost my sense of self...nearly. i used to be confident, not jealous, nice, caring, not abusive, i took care of myself, i had friends and fun but i thought it wasn't wnoufh i thought i needed a bf and that he would fullfill my life and that i would be a great gf and indeed i would and could but what would possibly screw it up? i kew communication was key but he wasn't able to talk about his feelings and he wasn't didn't like be affectionate but i stayed anyway in fact i let him live with my parents and i (miserably) for a year and am currently living with him at his house (very difficult) and domestic violence came from verbal abuse and the thoughts of "well i have invested a year into this relationship" but he still won't work with me, talk with me, cuddle, flirt and on and on...and kept hoping and going up and way down. i hit him wile i was driving, i hit him over thehead with a half full glass bottle, i pushed him, and all that then he turned around and a year later he got the hang of my game and hit me yelled at me accused me i can't play my own game and i didn't hit the one "i love" or have shared 3 years of my life with whom i share my body with but only out of pushing away the thoughts and concerns in my head that maybe we just don't click, even my girl to girl daily encounters at work some people you click, you share similar views, or sense of humor but chris and i don't alll we really share are few mountian climes together all the family functions friends which are mostly his friends and taking to people who idon't even truely know if we love each other or not and we both do not want to be the one to ever break it...he says"good fine leave but just remember it was you who wanted out so don't come crying back to me" so i stay i don't want to leave and then those thoughts set in those memories the people around you that share both of your lives. and the is so much more i could write a book on it and no one i know would but it because i haven't even followed my voice or knoweledge but i must be right b/c i normally can see what is going to happen if we don't talk about our feelings how do we know what each other needs? how can you live one day together?
Point is, you are young and you are vibrent and new, with sooo much love xoxox to give wouldn't it be would it to dump him and establish yourself and confidence and find someone who you can talk with for a decient amount of time not obsessively, who you can grow with, LAUGH with, and someone who makes you feel secure so you can grow.
Beware of anyone who treats you less than you desive. or you could eventually cry more tears than i do and become some sad, lonely, abusive, disrespected door mat that stopped growing happily and healthfully at such a young age. TRUST ME!!!! oh and if you keep playing this game just think of all the extra problems that could await you....all that u do for him...he "forgets" and will not do for you...maybe you'll have an abortion all by yourself while he just goes off with his friend who you compete for your bf attention with!! or maybe you'llstart saying nasty things to each other and he sends you self esteem plummiting. sorry if it scares you but real life relationships...that you don't analize in a healthy way can be anything but peaches and cream and can leave you feeling more lonely than you have ever been.
"stuck in muck"
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
Bookmark this site so you can reference it any time you need romantic / relationship info in the future!