He Ignores Me Sexually - and Uses Porn Instead
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am in desperate for advice. My boyfriend (26) and I (24)have been dating for close to a year now and after the first few months we our sex life has gone down hill. I know that he didn't have the best childhood and was basically left to be brought up by his grandmother whom he was really close to. Sadly she past on about a month ago but even before that we hadn't had sex for a month or so and are now going on a 3 month mark.
i will admit we have had a rocky relationship since the start and i keep telling myself it's partly due to his rough past but still... Anyhow when i approach him on this he tells me it's because i'm "nasty" as in not nice. i'm not perfect but i think i do my best as a girlfriend and i hate that he looks at porn and "takes care of business". He is affectionate and likes to cuddle though and i'm 99.9% confident that he is faithful.
he denies it but i know for a fact that he looks at porn OFTEN. please help, i do care for him but can't be in a sexless relationship. as well i've noticed that he rarely gets naked in front of me and changes in the other room and says that is just how he is.
is it me or him? what can i do to make him more intrested in having sex with me and not porn? we are both young and attractive and i want and need him to want me. i am just tired of his reasoning of i'm nasty or he isn't comfortable with having sex with me yet (since our last major fight on valentines day)i'm starting to feel as if i need to earn points that are rewarded by sex. we spend almost everyday together and have talked about moving in together but i am so lost.
i don't want to end this relationship but i need to have sex and feel wanted by my boyfriend. when we do have sex he seems to enjoy it and is effectionate afterwards and in a pleasant mood. i just don't understand b/c he told me that he has been with 60+ women in his lifetime but they were mainly all just for sex and i am his 2nd major relationship. please, please help me. it's a bit more complicated but that is the short version. thanks!
User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Male
Make out with him
Ah, I've seen this before in m profession. Think of this: he's been with 60+ women. If it's true, then this means that he views you as special, and doesn't want to ruin that. If it is a front, then this means that he hasn't had that much experience with women, so he's still afraid. No matter which is correct, one thing remains clear: he's afraid of something. Here's my remedy: make out with him, and in due time, he'll start to shed his fears and his doubts, and he will be the person you knew to love in the first place.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer