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Does Losing your Virginity Hurt?



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 13-20 year old Female
How much does it hurt for a teenage girl to lose her virginity and how does she know if she's ready?




User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female
Sexual responsibility


To all you girls out there eager and wanting to rush into sexual intercourse with but one thing on her mind - 'must not be a virgin'- here is some advice for you, from someone who was almost so willing as to give it up in a car garage. This following advice is something that I realized after I picked myself up off that cold garage floor, virginity (thankfully) still intact, and spent 8 months by myself and single:

I am 15. You may think, "Too young to know." But, in the light of all the things happening in my life, I have come to realize that the world is too wrapped up in sex, and how ideal it should really be. Putting pressure on each woman out there that in order to be anything, you have to lose your virginity. In order to be sexy, you have to give up that one thing.

Listen to me, it's not the truth. I am in highschool and yes, it is tempting to want to go along with the crowd and find someone willing to have sex, just to fit in. 9th grade was terrible. All these girls with their newfound expieriences and boyfriends - it was all too much. So much jealousy is played between girls about sex and intimacy nowadays. You have to look beyound that and understand who you are, and not just what is between your legs.

I have an idol. Though, at this age, I do not particularly want to be like her, she is a woman who ALL should look up to. Her name is Lilly. 72 years old - and a virgin. She had many lovers, each one different, each one romantic. Though the time she lived in was all about sex and drugs, she never gave it up. I had seen pictures of this woman when she was my age and let me tell you, my god was she beautiful. Better yet though, she had a head on her shoulders and her mind was in the right place, instead of on her vagina.

Many girls just want to feel it, just want to know what it's like. I admit that I am eager to try intercourse. But, I am 15 living with my grandparents, (now homeschooled), and constantly alone but with numerous opportunities to go and engorge myself in sexual intercourse with the many teenage boys, both virgins and non (but very willing) around me, though I choose to remain alone no matter how tempting the situtation may be. This gives me the time to understand MYSELF better obtain such things as: Self-esteem, confidence,and overall self respect. I have come to know what I want out of life and understand that I am not all about my virginity. If you think about it, no matter how many precautions you take, there is still a chance that something may go wrong. Whether it be from something like forgetting a condom and not choosing to wait, or inheriting an STD that your boyfriend/lover failed to mention. These things alone can take down your dreams, your self-esteem, and your future. Losing your virginity is much more complicated than "Well, they're doing it! So I should too!"

Giving up your virginity also means, you give away trust, love and a serious piece of yourself. If you want to have sexual intercourse now, think about what it could result in later if you find it too hard to wait. Emotional scars, early pregnancy, the destruction of your dreams, or personal baggage which will follow you around like a bad stench, in and out of future relationships.

I have a man I am overly interested in both because I think I love him (only time will tell) and because I desire his body. Though, he too wants to participate in sexual intercourse, we know that waiting is the best idea. We will see where my life will take me and how sex would affect it. He is not a virgin of many years and many women. This self control and understanding proves enough that sex is not what everything is about.

Wrap yourself up in thought, pull out a pencil and draw or write. Understand yourself and never lose that contact with yourself. Always put yourself first in these kinds of situtations. Consider the pros and cons to sexual intercourse. If you are totally honest with yourself at this young age, you will find that the con list is much bigger than the pro. I too have made such a list, and done a home video for a group project on this matter. Yes, I have friends who have had sex and no physical pain or scaring seems to be present. But each and every one of them have emotional scars to show. 3 different friends of mine are pregnant and alone now thanks to rushing and not planning ahead. Yes, they used protection and yes they took the right precautions. But rushing into it, simply gagged them with a heavy burden.

I am the result of an early pregnancy. My mother just turned 34 and in only a few short months, I will be 16. Her life is a living hell. Not only for her, but for me and my little brother as well. Men, in and out. No money due to bad credit for expenses used on me when I was born. No time to go to college even if she had the money, for no family member was willing to help her out because she rushed into sex at an even earlier age, but this time without protection. Her age to give it up was 12. She remembers, and I resent. I abhore the way she was just barely starting her teenage years, and she decided to give it up. She now remembers it with serious regret, and I am living apart from her because of my step-father and financial reasons. She now is getting divorced, with no money to support her, and she is being evicted by her home by her ex-husbands legal request. Different baggage, different scars, and different results because of early sex and rushed decisions.

All in all, sex does hurt. In many ways. Physically, emotionally, futuristicaly, and even if you don't think about it, it hurts others as well. Others who care about your well being and sucess in life. The future lovers that you will have, may look back on how easily you gave it up and feel maybe it's not worth taking a chance on. If you didn't have any self respect then, you certainly wouldn't have any at that time.

Giving up your virginity and in some cases your future, or even your care free life, is not worth it.

Sincerley,
Y.M.

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