Husband Yells, Threatens to Leave and Resents Me
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 61-70 year old Female
I have been married for almost 19 years. We have one son almost 18. My husband was abused growing up. He has verbal outbursts about me. I have worked for 18 years. He is turning 59. We are in deep debt. He thinks I did not earn enough money over the years, used him and he resents me for wearing his health down. Not the fact that he over spent, is an attorney, hates his job.
I love him. He will not commit to the marriage, becomes withdrawn. I feel so insecure all the time. It is one sided. I cannot express my opinions without him threatening to leave. I feel scared all the time beyond belief about abandonment. Do you feel this is a control measure so he does not have to change??? He's never had much free time to himself and says he may want to live alone. Help
User Submitted Advice from a 41-50 year old Female
I too am a 42 year old who just married 10 years ago.He was the apple of my world and i thought i was too.Attention for these types of men are what they seek.I became not only my kids mom but his too.Because my husband was told he had a low sperm count i have lived with his acusel of being a cheater for 9 years.I say..do the test ! not happening, its that mistrust that i live with every day.Nit picks and complains about everyone and everything.Tells me, all family and friends he trusts NO ONE.I work part time for myself and contribute just as much money to family as he.I work around the kids so that no day care is involved, I take care of all the finance, shopping,yard,all housework, i even paint the house and try to fix things myself just to save us some money.In all my 10 years with him he has never opened his eyes and realized that he should value me.Oh, did i mention im a good cook.I think he has it made.This is the second realationship that i have had to put up with the grass is greener on the other side.Im am the saver in this family but cant sve much when he wants toys for the yard and wants to go on his personal vacations out west.He also hunts and is very involved in our town..What a good guy in the eyes of all others.If they knew how much he yelled and screamed then turned me off with silence for days at a time, usually looking for sex..thats what i call it at this stage..how could it be making love ? And yes the threat to pack and leave is always there...i kepted saynig to myself, how wil i raise these kids (welfare) take the house from them which i built 18 years ago.I should have never put him on the deed.I am to the point of ok, just leave because we as women are strong can always find a way without the men involved. The feeling of freedom and the wieght off of my head
may be a breath of fresh air.I say to you..Money or no money, happines is a better feeling. I cant think of the last time a laughed and meant it, I would do anything to smile and find true happines and if i have to do it alone i will.Your lucky that your child is 18, I do have one that is 18 but in school, for how long not sure, that is just another issue for the king to harp about.Lets see what advice he can give to our two little ones as they grow up. Hopefully he will really pack his bags and go find his big dream out in Montanna..Montanna..Montanna..thats all we hear about..God help us.The biggest fear is that he would come back and try to resume his life with us.My husband as yours was also abused and brought up in a poor family on welfare,you would never know it when you met him.Very smart, his mouth never shuts..he knows it all but cant seem to see how lucky he is..I just loved him to death. now i do not know, i think i hate him...he may find this writting on the net but at this point it does not matter, maybe he will listen to me....LB thanks for listening..there seems to be no other way to communicate.
The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer