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He has a kid with another girl and i dont think i can handle it.



We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.

Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 months now.I'm 22 years old and hes 24. He loves me very much and I love him too. In fact I love him so much that something hurts me. He has a kid with another girl and i dont think i can handle it. I dont know if it has anything to do with my culture (assyrian), my religion, (catholic), my personality, the way i grew up, or if it has to do with morals but it hurts me and frustrates me soo much that he shares a kid with another girl. IN the beginning of our relationship everything was perfect. Then his kids mom started getting jelous and they started to fight and i felt like a third wheel. Well my point is, it has been eating away at me for 3 months of our relationship now and i think that it has gotten to me so much that i act more irratated towards him and more grumpy because i just wish that things were different. I dont like the fact that she will always be around, that he shared his first kid with her because that should of happened with me...the person you want to share the rest of your life with. I want that first exprience to be with me...but it cant. And i can't handle it. We've been wanting to get married but now im thinking that it may be a bad idea because this feeling will kill me for the rest of my life and it would break up my marriage. It makes me cry a lot at times and i get angry and frustrated and blame myself for ever getting with him. I think my frustration is killing our relationship. He already knows that it bothers me that he shares a kid with another girl and he broke down crying one day when i told him i couldnt handle it. But he wouldnt let me go and it was hard for me to leave him as well. I didnt think i would feel this way until i was exposed to his kid and jelous kids mom. I HATE IT. And sometimes i hate him for it. His kids mom hasnt been a problem lately, but i feel like i could never get over this feeling even though i have tried over and over again. I tell my boyfriend that i try my best and he tells me that maybe im not trying hard enough and that if i really loved him i wouldnt let that be a problem. But you cant help it if you feel a certain way about something and i tried explaining that to him. That even though i love him so much..this feeling is killing me and eating away at me. That's why it hurts me..because i love him. My mom tells me that i deserve more and better than a guy who has a kid with another girl and that i could do better and sometimes i hate to say it..but i feel that way. I dont know what to do..i dont want to let him go but i feel like because of me our relationship will not survive. Do a lot of girls feel this way or is it just me? Am i the only one that cant handle it? Should i not feel this way? Am i just to young at heart? I just wanna know if there are other girls out there that feel the same way i do. Maybe i cant ever handle being with anyone that has a kid with another girl. Help Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




User Submitted Advice from a 13-20 year old Female

I would just like you to know that I really understand you, because my fiance has a child with another girl, and it really bothers me. Even though they never see eachother. He left her when she was pregnant and has only seen the child twice, the last time about a year and a half ago. They live in another state. He has tried to get into contact with her so he can find out about his kid, but he hasn't had any luck. Anyways, I am sure someday he will see his kid and his ex, even though he swears he no longer has any feelings for her. But I somehow feel like she is superior just b/c she has his kid. I feel the only way I will ever be past this is if I have a child with him. It will make me just as superior as her. Which, that's not the only reason I want a child, but I have a fear, like what if I can never have a child? She will forever be the only one with his child. I'd always feel this way, like why can she have a child with him, but not me? But I try and just deal with it. I don't really know if I can have children or not, we haven't been trying that long, but we are getting married, and hopefully everything works out for the best. But just wanted to say you aren't the only one with that problem and feels that way.

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