She apologized to me a number of times, and promised she wouldnt say such mean things again
We often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions.
Original Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
I'm a 35 y/o male, in a new relationship, that started approximately 3 months ago. It hasn't been as smooth of a beginning as I would have hoped and quite frankly, I've never experienced so much turmoil at the start of a relationship, as i have in this one.
I have recently developed a trust issue with "her", due to some comments she's made within the last 2 weeks. She makes these comments, when she gets angry, and it can be over just about anything, and the first troublesome comment she made was the following: "I'm going to go be with J* (A Male aquaintence of hers) down at his cabin all weekend." Then a couple days later, she got upset because I couldn't help her move, because i had to work, and then said she felt like i am using her for sex and just dump her off when im finished. This isn't true of course, but because of her being mad, and i did leave for work, she called me, and in a soft calm voice told me, "I have something I could tell you that will break your heart," then she hung up on me. Just to call me back a couple minutes later to say, "By the way, I ended up F***ing J* and it was so hot." I asked her when this happened, and she said 2 days prior. This obviously upset me, and I hung up because i was distraught. Come to find out later on, she never did go be with the guy ever, and said these things to hurt me, because she was mad. She apologized to me a number of times, and promised she wouldnt ever say such mean spirited things again. Well, needless to say, we are still together, but I'm unsure of it all now. Any advice for how to go about mending this and move on? Should I even continue in this? Should I proceed with caution and make it clear how i feel, and that i dont trust her comepletely now, and allow things to end up where they may? Any suggestions regarding this messed up, crazy situation? Thanks~!
User Submitted Advice from a 31-40 year old Male
Thanks for your opinion George... it's greatly appreciated. I have been giving the relationship, if thats what it can be called, alot of thought as far as deciding one way or the other, to either end things now and throw it in the experience bag, or to give it a few more days, to see is she can keep her promise that she wont ever say that kind of B.S. again, as well as work on her quick temper. The only reason i havent already hit the road, is because only two months ago her ex-husband did a bad thing to her at knife point. So I dont want to sell her short, since she is an emotional wreck. I know i left this part out, but i didnt feel right putting it on here without her permission. But, it's an important piece to the puzzle i would think, and i talked to the crisis counselor thats been seeing her and they told me that its normal for her to feel lots of anger, distrust, yada yada yada. Does this change your opinion in any way, or do you think it was still unacceptable for her to say that crap concerning another guy. I think its still crap myself!
[From Romanceclass.com: I can't answer questions this way. You need to come back through the "Get Personal Advice" entrance. Sorry, I know it's a pain --George]
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